Not the Time
by LovelessDestiny
Summary: Yaoi, Aya/Yohji, What if your best friend cofessed his love but you don't know how to react? And breaks his heart. What if he's taken away from you and maybe you won't get a second chance to say I love you too. Angst, Lemon.
1. 1: Not the Time

I don't own Weiss Kreuz or the Characters (sniff)

I started the story ca. 10 months ago so my writing style changed, maybe you can see it :-x

Oh and please ignore the grammar etc. (I swear I will learn it)

I put my emotions into my story so sorry for up and downs but I hope you'll like it.

Please tell me what you think :-)

**Not the time…**

„Damn, everything hurt"Yohji said after he woke up.

_Yesterdays job was really hard_

"Jumping, climbing, fighting, fighting, and fighting….aaahhhhhh" he mumbled.

As he reached the floor he smelled something delicious.

"Morning boys"

" Morning Yohji" Omi said happily.

"Everything Ok ?" Ken asked after he saw Yohjis stiff movements.

"No everything hurts"

"Then sit down, breakfast is ready" Aya said.

"Yeah, yeah, thanks…"

"Bacon, eggs, toast and orange juice, eat as long the food is still warm" Aya said cold.

_My favourite breakfast, ……. ., huh? After days like yesterday he always makes it for me…._

_No stop… what I'm thinking _

Yohji banished his thoughts and took the plate Aya reached to him.

"After the breakfast I will see you all to discuss the next job! " Aya said and went out of the kitchen, without eating breakfast and without saying another word.

"Uhhh cold as ever"

"Ken!!" Yohji said harsh "he will have a reason for his behaviour"

"HAH, sure" Ken said unbelievingly.

"You know Yohji is right, aren't you?"

"Omi you, too?!" Ken said frustrated.

"He's concerned about us, I'm sure ….. He will never concede it but he has done so much for us!"

"Yeah Omi I know but he starts to get colder and colder" Ken said frustrated.

Ken ate his breakfast and didn't say a single word.

_I know Ken is right but why does my heart hurts so much? When he talks bad_

_about Aya _

Yohji thought and touched his chest; he wasn't hungry anymore so he washed his dishes and went to Aya.

Omi and Ken watched him leave and decided not to say a word; after he was gone they started to wash their dishes, too and used the time for a little conversation.

"I didn't know they are friends, I always thought they hate each other" Ken said confused.

"You didn't realise? After we went to bed they are talking with each other the whole night,

and when Yohji comes home drunk, Aya takes care of him, he moves him to his room, changes his clothes and then he stays until Yohji falls asleep" Omi said and Ken could hear that he's a little bit happy about it.

"Why do you know all that?"

"I'm learning a lot at night and sometimes I heard Yohji coming home and Aya was always waiting for him to come back, of course he's yelling at Yohji but he looks so worried"

"Maybe they are like us, what do you think Omi?" Ken said and kissed Omi with passion.

"Ken …hmmm…nhh….Ken! Stop it" Omi said breathless.

"Why?" Ken said disappointed.

„Aya will kill us when he must wait any longer; we should go"Omi said with an unhappy look in his eyes.

"Aya! Yeah…. that's killing the mood….but tonight your mine" he smiled and gave Omi a kiss on his forehead "let's go".

"Our job is to get Mr. Kobayashi, he's a dealer and the most abnormal thing is …he sells little boys and girls all over the world…" Aya said and let Manx explain the main part.

"We have one week" she said "only one week for the preparations! He will arrive at Japan on Monday 4 p.m. and we have only one chance to get him, he will stay in Japan for only 2 days. The police tried to catch him since 6 years… now they took the chance to contact us and when you will accept it will be your turn to hunt him down!"

She looked from one boy to the other with a worried look in her eyes and she said

"I think it's probably the most dangerous job you ever had, he has a own little army with the best assassins and mercenaries you can buy." The look in her eyes changed, now it was pure fear "maybe they are more dangerous then Schreient or Schwartz!"

"Ah come on it will be no problem we never lost a battle so don't look so troubled" Yohji said with a played happy smile on his face.

"Stop talking nonsense" Aya said in a cold but hard tone. "We can't underestimate them, in case you forgot we aren't immortal! "

Yohji, Ken and Omi gave a jerk, his voice was extremely cold and his eyes were so deep and empty but for one moment Yohji could swear he saw fear in Ayas beautiful violet eyes.

"Sorry Aya" Yohji said.

Manx interfered before they will start a fight "Before you will get more informations I want to know if you will accept the job!"

"Yeah" Yohji said …. also Ken and Omi said yes only Aya said nothing, he leaned against the wall and his eyes were closed.

Yohji thought for one moment Aya stopped breathing and the colour drained from his cheeks but finally he said yes, too.

"Ok…." Manx said "his building is guarded like an army base, the police lost 69 of their best police officers AND do you know who Besessen (obsessed) was?!"

Sure they knew who Besessen was, they were the best assassins ever but 4 years ago they died one after another during a job.

"That's bad really bad" Omi gasped with fear in his eyes.

"Now tell me it's an easy job, Yohji!" Aya said cold as ice.

"I understand it's a bad thing " Yohji answered subdued.

"Omi you will hack the system and get every construction plan you can find, … Ken you will observe the headquarter of the enemy … and Yohji you will work with me!" he said and went out of the room. Manx and the boys stood there speechless, why does he left so suddenly? We weren't finished… or?! After a while they started to fulfil Ayas orders.


	2. 2: Broken heart

Aya and Yohji sat 8 hours together to create a plan and discussed the strategy.

_ If he's still angry with me? Maybe I should ask? No he will kill me if I try to disturb our work. Aahhh It drives me crazy when he doesn't talk to me in a normal way he's so sober. _

"….ji! …. HEY YOHJI! " Aya yelled at him "stop daydreaming we aren't done"

"What …oh I'm sorry" Yohji said embarrassed. "It's Ok" Aya sighed.

"Aya?"

"Yeah ?"

"Do you think we will stay alive?" Yohji asked and he looked like a little kid.

"You know our job is dangerous every job could be the last " Aya said in a hard tone.

"I know something like that could happen but I have a bad feeling about the job it's not like the feelings I had before some of our other jobs …it's more like a foreboding."

"You too?" Aya said and tried to control his emotions but Yohji saw that Aya was a bit shocked.

"Aya does that mean you have the same bad feeling…. Maybe we should had reject the job,

can we reject it now… " Yohji said with hope in his voice.

"You know it's to late we accepted already there is no way back…the only thing we can do is to try to stay alive"

Yohji looked so sad and Aya thought maybe it has a meaning that both of them had the same terrible feeling, Aya talked to Omi and Ken earlier and his kids are so afraid that they lost the smile he liked so much, it had always warmed up his cold heart.

_ The job is so dangerous and they are all afraid and not concentrated, I don't know what to_

_do….. I don't want to lose my family._

_Maybe It's the right time to tell Yohji how I feel about him… I wanted to tell him that since_

_we met the first time. I'm a wimp … three years and I still don't say this important words._

_To whom I demonstrate something….. __t__o __be__honest__ I'm afraid of losing his friendship… I'm_

_afraid of being alone again._

_Take a deeeeeeeep breath Aya now or never… _

"Yohji?"

"Hmm ?!" Yohji muttered and looked at Aya.

"There is something I wanted to tell you for a long time…"Aya said with an untypical tone in his voice.

"What do you want to say?" Yohji had an idea what Aya wanted to say, he knew how Aya felt sometimes he could see it in his eyes… the way he looked at him.

But Yohji didn't want to hear it not now …. No NEVER.

Aya couldn't find the words so he took Yohji by his shirt and pulled him closer, now they

faced one another.

Aya suddenly kissed Yohji, …he finally found the words he wanted to say all this years and whispered "I … I love you!"

Yohji pushed Aya away and said in a disgusted tone "It's not the time for something like that!"

"… but" Aya stuttered.

"No, I'm a lady killer you understand, I never had something with a man and I will never have something with a man and now is definitely not the time for a stupid confession!"

"Ok I only wanted to say it" and with these word Aya went to the door " When is the right time to talk?" he whispered in a sad tone.

"STOP THE CRAP!" Yohji said angry and glared at Aya.

Yohji could see that a tear was falling down Ayas cheek as he went through the door.

After he heard the door closed with a soft "click" he sat down and buried his face into his hands.

_ No, I didn't want to say it like that; I hurt him so much …. ohh Aya why now._

_You surprised me I knew the time will come but why now … It's not the time for a_

_confession … I wasn't prepared, I haven't sort my feeling out for you._

_I was always a lady killer but then you took your way into my heart little by little,_

_I don't understand it … It's the feeling of friendship …isn't it?_

_Yeah I'm sure it is I'm sure……. but why are my lips still burning … and my heart aches_

_so much._

_I didn't feel that way since Asuka … could it be that without my knowing he filled the empty_

_place in my heard which Asuka left?! _

"The preparations are finished" Omi said.

"Good, tomorrow we take a time-out from Weiss, next week is Christmas and it's snowing since three days"

"Aya what do you mean?" Ken asked.

"Play at the snow, buy a Christmas present do what ever you want to do,

It's a dangerous job so enjoy the time" he said in an unusual soft tone and went out of the room.

"What the hell was that?" Ken asked Omi confused.

"I don't know!" Omi answered with an irritated look on his face.

"Don't worry sometimes Aya has a "good" day" Yohji said, he leaned against the wall.

"Yohji?! I didn't hear you come!" Ken said terrified.

"But what is with Aya, …. Why?" Omi stammered confused.

"He's afraid!"

"What?!" Ken and Omi said in chore, they were shocked Aya and fear?!

"He watched you and he saw that you're afraid and that's dangerous when your fear takes the control, so he wants that both of you will have fun …. to forget the job for a while" Yohji said in a soft and confident tone.

"Why do you know all that?" Ken asked confused.

"I know him" he said and went out of the room, he went to the roof to smoke and decided to go to bed after he finished.

_ A shot? …. NOOOO don't leave me you can't ………. ASUKAAAAA_

Yohji woke up bathed in sweat and with tears in his eyes.

"A dream …. Always the same dream. Aya I ……. Oh!" he said.

_ Sure he isn't here after I hurt him so much._

_Normally he's waking me up when I have a dream about her._

_He's sitting next to me and is comforting me, sometimes when the dreams are extremely_

_bad he's hugging me and strokes my back while he's whispering all this comforting words_

_like "shhhh it was a dream" or "Don't cry … Yohji…. I'm here with you, don't be_

_afraid"._

_Why do I miss him so much?_

_No I shouldn't think about stuff like that, tomorrow I will go to a club, I will drink and hook_

_up a hot girl…. yeah that's the plan! _

Yohji watched out of the window for a few hours before he went back to bed.

The next morning he woke up and after he saw at his watch he stood up like a flash.

"Why hasn't you rung you damn thing I'm late for work" he took his clothes, jumped to the shower and got dressed.

"Aya will kill me"

_ He always says when I'm late that florist and assassin are two different jobs and I should learn_

_to accept both jobs._

_The last time I was to late he gave me six extra shifts _

He ran through the floor and stopped.

"What the…"

"Hey Yohji "Omi said happily "Aya closed the shop for a few days … great isn't it?"

"He really closed the… " Yohji stammered "I thought we are only free for the afternoon…"

"I thought that too but Aya said this morning that he will release us from our work at the shop for a few days" Omi said and beamed with joy.

"Where is Aya?" Yohji said after he collected his thoughts.

"I don't know where Aya is I only know that Ken is playing soccer with his friends" Omi answered.

"When you see Aya tell him I want to talk with him!"

"Yeah, see you later" Omi said and ran out of the door.

"I'm home alone, huh?" Yohji said to himself while he walked into the kitchen to prepare breakfast.

_ It's so quiet without the kids. The day is so dark and It's still snowing maybe I should stay_

_at home today …. But that's boring_

_I'm sure Aya is at the hospital to visit his sister, I think he will be back at noon … will he?"_

_Why is thinking about Aya always that painful, I'm not gay … no I'm not I'm only hurt because I'm worrying about losing a friend …. yeah that's it_

Three hours later the front door opened and Aya walked through the door.

After Yohji heard the door he went out of his room to greet Aya.

"Hey you're back ….. how is Aya-chan?"

"Fine" he said and passed him without looking at him.

_ I can feel the cold from Ayas skin, he's paler then normal and the look in his eyes makes me worry …._

_Is he still hurt because I rejected him? Of course he is! But this look was different It looks like he's afraid of something and I can feel that the next job isn't the reason._

_I know that he isn't as strong as we think he is, in actuality he's fragile and his soul is like glass._

_Say Aya have I broken the rest of your fragile soul?_

_Do you think we have still the time to fix that?_

_Tell me are we still friends….. please yell at me or give me a cold glare …._

_Do something but stop to ignore me! _

Aya didn't do anything he went straight to his room and locked the door.

Yohji was frustrated and went to a club.

_ Damn it Aya why do you ignore me _

He thought and drank his fourth glass of whisky.

"Hey lover boy do you want to dance with me?" a beautiful woman with black hair and pale skin asked.

"Sure why not" Yohji answered and went with her to the dance floor, after an hour and a lot of kisses they went out of the club.

It was 7 a.m as Yohji came back; Aya was waiting the whole night for him to return.

_ He smells of alcohol and tobacco. How much have you drunk? _

Yohji was totally drunk and Aya moved him into his room, while he changed his clothes he saw Lipstick on Yohjis neck.

_ Lipstick? You had a new woman again? _

He thought and covered him up.

Yohji looked up to Aya with tired eyes.

"Why do you ignore me … why?"

"You said It's not the time to talk … so I won't talk" Aya whispered and turned around to hide his tears.

"I don't mean you should stop talking I only won't talk about … about you know what I mean"

_ Yeah I know what you mean you're trying to hush up the incident _

After Yohji said this he fell asleep and Aya walked back to his own room.

When Yohji woke up the night came back over the town already and it was still snowing.

The kids were playing at the snow, they made a snow man and Omi started sneaky a snowball fight.

Aya stood at the door with a smile on his beautiful pale face.

To see the kids playing lightened his heart, Omi and Ken saw the smile on his face and knew he felt better.

After the incident with Yohji they were worried about him, they didn't know what happened but they knew that something was wrong between them.

Yohji walked into the living room and watched out of the window, he saw the kids playing and decided to join them for a while.

_ It's dark already but they are still playing … It must be nice to be young._

_Aya he's here? And he's smiling, I never saw him smiling like that before, he's so beautiful._

_I love it when he smiles it's so rare but always a highlight._

_Should I speak with him? … or…or…. what else should I do…. speak … yeah speaking is good _

"Aya, do you want to play with us?" Ken said happily.

"Please Aya play with us ….. we want you to be happy once in a while" Omi said in a honest tone and Aya knew he was telling the truth.

"Yeah Aya pleeeaaassseee" Ken said with a big happy smile on his face.

"Come" Omi said with bright eyes and he reached out his hand.

_ Sure Aya and playing ….. hahaha the kids are trying it every time and they always get a death glare, they will never learn it…. WHAT? Is the hell frozen or something like that …. It can't be _

"Ok once in a while I can play with you" Aya said in a strange tone.

"Aya, why? Since when ….. you?" Yohji stammered with a confused look on his face.

Suddenly Aya had a big smile on his face and his eyes were so bright.

_ It can't be …..he's so beautiful with this kind of smile and he looks so happy _

"I think It's the last chance for me to play with our kids" Aya said.

"You mean your bad feeling? Don't take that at face value"

" No Yohji It's more than that ….. I know I will see my family soon and Aya-chan is coming home too" Aya said and looked happier than before.

"Aya we won't die …. We won't" Yohji said and felt how tears came to his eyes.

"I will never let something happen to you or the kids …. I will take care of you" Aya swore and turned around, he went out to the boys and laid his hand into Omis outstretched little one and looked back at Yohji for a moment.

For Yohji It was like a slow-motion scene in a movie when Aya turned around with his happy face, the snow was still falling and made him more beautiful.

_ His skin is so pale, the cold made his cheeks pink, his hair red like blood and his eyes so violet ….. behind him… is only the darkness and the falling snow …. Aya and the background are a good match._

_I think I __melt__at__the__sight__!_

_How can you look so__indescribable__ beautiful but at the same time you can say something so horrible….. you're prepared to die, right?_

_Is it my fault?_

_Have I really broken your fragile soul?_

_I won't let you die, if you want to die you must kill me first _


	3. 3: Broken soul

After they got tired of playing Aya prepared the dinner while the kids were talking.

Ken and Omi were extremely happy and talk active the main reason was Aya.

"…You saw …I hit Aya with a snowball" Omi laughed.

"Yeah and I missed him every time but he got me" Ken said frustrated he had a scratch on his honour as a sportsman.

"Hey Yohji don't forget to set a clock, we have a job to do" Ken said.

"I know but I think this damn thing is broken, I should buy a new one" Yohji said and picked at his food.

"Why?" Omi asked.

"This damn thing didn't ring the last time I set it…"

"That was my fault… I thought you should sleep longer" Aya said cold.

"But why you ….. Oh" Yohji looked shocked.

_ He heard my nightmare; he was there to look for me._

_Why does my heart feel so warm and I'm so damn happy._

_He still cares about me …… HE CARES _

"…ji, …Yohji" Omi said and waved his hand in front of Yohjis eyes "stop daydreaming"

"Sorry I'm here now"

Suddenly Aya stood up, washed his dishes and went upstairs; Yohji wished the boys a good night and followed Aya.

The boys were surprised; they didn't know what happened only minutes ago everything was all right.

When Yohji found the redhead he stood on the roof.

"Aya what do you do here?"

"Yohji? …." Aya was surprised "I need time to think and what do you want?" he continued in a cold tone.

"I'm worrying about you … you're strange ….Ok you're always strange but this few days you're not yourself"

"The job will be dangerous this time…"

"Our job is always dangerous …. Aren't you the one who says that every time I wailed?"

"I'm worrying about you and the kids; we aren't as strong as Besessen ……. Was it ok to accept the job?"

"You should worry about yourself"

Aya was confused and speechless, he didn't know how to tell Yohji how he felt.

"I'M worrying about YOU" Yohji whispered.

"Aya-chan will leave…"

"What?" Yohji was shocked.

_ Why should Aya-chan leave, I don't understand?!_

"Her condition is getting worse ….. She's giving up on living"

"Aya I'm so sorry but …. but It's not the end for you…"

"Yes it is, she's the only reason I stayed alive but when she's gone I have nothing left to fight for …… nothing to live for!" he said with a sad voice " I'm free …. Maybe I can see my family before I will be send to hell"

When he spoke these words Yohji could see a mix of fear and hope in Ayas eyes.

"There must be something worth to live for, you will find a reason" Yohji said with panic in his voice.

_ God what have I done! How could I be so lousy towards him? _

"To protect you and the kids is my last wish; I want that you will get the chance to start a new life someday in peace and without killing people"

"Aya NO"

"I lost everything I'm not strong enough to go on living. My family is gone, Aya-chan will leave and you"

"Aya what is with me? ….I won't leave you"

"You will leave me one day, you don't love me the same way I love you and there will be a day you will find a nice girl, you will marry her and then you will be a daddy" he said and Yohji could see tears in Ayas eyes.

_ Aya stops it …. Stop it _

"We always can be friends and maybe …… maybe one day I…."

"Ran is broken and Aya can't take care of him anymore" he said while he looked at the sky.

"Who is Ran?" Yohji was totally confused.

"Ran … that's me, that's my real self"

_ I knew Aya was his sisters name because he told me about her but he never mentioned his real name. I never thought his real name could be Ran, no wonder he's so beautiful and fragile like a orchid _

"Why didn't you say it earlier I could have helped you before you break down" Yohji groused "why do you always lock up your emotion in front of everyone?"

"Not in front of everyone" Aya whispered.

"You never tell me everything, only that what you consider as unimportant" Yohji mentally kicked himself, he spoke before he thought again.

"Unimportant?" Aya sounded mournful "You call everything I told you unimportant"

"Sorry I didn't …" Yohji tried to find the right words to save the situation.

"Yes you did" Aya looked into the sky "you always say what you think"

"Aya this time I chose the wrong words I …" Yohji stared a whole into Ayas back while he talked, he tried to see a reaction, the smallest hint of emotions but he saw nothing.

"Everything you told me was important to me" Aya said in a low tone "I like it to talk with you; you gave me the feeling to belong somewhere, to be important and loved … as a friend of course … I thought I could tell you everything … I let my guard down only for you"

"**Gave**? You still belong to us … to me" Yohji bitched.

_ Damn it why can't I talk with him without to grouse. I make everything more complicated but he makes me so angry, when he says that he's useless and when he tries to blame everything on me_

"You never listened carefully" Aya sighed "but maybe you're right I am unimportant"

"I never said **you're** unimportant" Yohji yelled "and you know that"

"Do I? I showed my soul to you, I showed my past to you ..." Aya paused and said pained "and I showed Ran to you"

"Aya…" Yohji hissed "don't toil yourself only because I said something stupid … I always say stupid things"

It started to snow again.

Aya was still looking at the sky and the snow was falling happily …like it would dance in the wind.

Aya turned really pale; Yohji thought he could see how the snow stole the rest of warmth out of Ayas heart and soul.

"I won't let you go, NEVER you understand?! " Yohji screamed, he tried to take Ayas arm but he wasn't fast enough "I can't run anymore, I give up" Aya whispered before he disappeared through the door, now Yohjis only company was the falling snow.

_ My heart is aching… it hurt so much … why can't I tell him that I think I have an answer ….. that I love him too…maybe! … I think…_

_Why did I need so much time to understand that my feelings were … maybe … more than friendship._

_Did I hurt him to push him away from me? Did I push him away to make it easier for myself? Do I try to make it easier for myself because I'm afraid I could love him?_

_Now you will definitely leave, right?_

…

_NO I WON'T LET YOU GO, YOU WILL STAY BY MY SIDE _

"No never" he said out loud and ran down the stairs to find Aya but he was gone.

"Omi… Ken where is Aya?" he asked out of breath.

"He said he will visit someone and he said something about to say good bye or something like that" Omi said with a smile on his face and disappeared with Ken in his room.

Yohji stood in the kitchen and couldn't think and he even couldn't breathe.

He needed a few minutes to control himself, then he went back to his room and stared out of the window.

_ He's my little angel; I will never let him fall…_

_Abyssinian our all mighty leader is proud and strong,_

_Aya is cold as ice but still worrying about us and at least there is_

_Ran he's fragile and extremely hurt,_

_I think when I can help Ran I can rescue the Aya I know._

_HAH! I could have every hot girl in town but NOOO I chose my teammate with an opaque character and three personalities ….. Yohji you're stupid_

_..._

_But is it really love? Or only a really strong kind of friendship _

_But would I think about him as an angel… no_

_Ahh I'm so confused! _


	4. 4: Broken family

"Yohji it's time to go" Omi said in a soft tone and opened the door slowly.

"Is Aya back?"

"No he said he will meet us there"

"Oh … ok…. Omi?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you think we will fall tonight like Besessen did 4 years ago?"

Yohji asked in a strange tone and stared out of the window to watch the snow falling.

Omi didn't know what to say but finally he said "No we won't"

"Why are you so sure?"

"I know that the angels will watch over us" he said confident.

"In a few days is Christmas …. the angels are busy Omi!" Yohji said and was still watching out of the window.

"We will celebrate Christmas together, I won't allow one of you to die" Omi said mournful.

"He said the same"

"Who said the same?" Omi was confused

"It doesn't matter …. Let's go" Yohji said with a smile but Omi knew the smile was a lie.

"I thought you won't come …. Hurry …. When we're late Aya will kill us"

Ken said fretful.

"Yeah, yeah I know but I think you and Omi should take 2 minutes to…. talk before we go…

I know Aya will understand"

Yohji said and went to the car, Omi knew this time his smile wasn't a lie.

"They know about us?! Oh my god" Ken said with panic in his voice.

"Ken it's ok …. Aya had killed us if it were a problem…" Omi said relieved.

"You're right …. Omi! I love you!"

"I love you too"

Ken kissed Omi and embraced him; they could feel each others warmth.

"Let's go … Aya accept our relationship but he will kill us for being late" Omi gasped.

"I think you're right" Ken answered and kissed Omis forehead like he always did.

Yohji grinned when they got in the car but he said nothing because Omi blushed so hard that he looked like a tomato.

They drove 40 minutes but no one said a word, Yohji was so flustered he had let Ken drive the car!

_ The kids are afraid … I hope they took the time to settle everything and I hope they told each other the three most important words in the world._

_My heart is still aching … after Asukas death I didn't care for no one but now I'm so damn worried …. Aya please don't do something stupid and I pray that our lovesick kids can stay together …. God please don't take their lives you can have me but don't take my family _

The car suddenly stopped and Yohji was torn out of his thoughts.

"We arrived" Ken reported.

"I can't see Aya" Omi said worried

"I'm sure he's here ….I can feel it" Yohji answered confident.

They watched out of the windows and after they got out of the car, they saw a figure walking through all the snow.

"Who's that" Omi said afraid but then they saw the shine of metal and they knew it's Aya with his Katana.

"Here he is…" Yohji said happily but with a relieved undertone.

"Here is the plan" Aya said "Omi and Yohji you will go through entrance B on the back side,

Ken and I will go through the entrance D on the left side of the building"

"AYA" Yohji interrupted "that wasn't the plan, the plan was Omi and Ken together …damns it, I'M your backup" Yohji said angry and in his eyes they could see fear.

"You and Omi… that's my last word" he whispered into Yohjis ear and put a hand on Yohjis shoulder.

The kids waited at a distance of 10 metres because they won't interfere in their business.

"Take care of them it's too dangerous for the kids to fight alone" Aya whispered.

"Ok … I can't change your mind or?"

"No" he answered in a cold tone.

"But you should take Omi" Yohji said serious, Ken wasn't the best choice he needed someone with a long distance weapon.

"I'm a danger, I don't think Omi will survive when I fail" Aya replied simply.

"Good, but do me a favour … come back home with me… I'm sure your family will understand it…. Aya-chan will understand" Yohji took the hand from his shoulder and put it in his own hands.

He held Ayas hand tight with the intention to never let go of this hand.

"Ran don't go" Yohji said with tears in his eyes but Aya only stared at him.

_ He calls me Ran … it's years ago I heard someone calling me Ran._

_His hands are so warm I .. I have the feeling that he likes me!_

_Yohji and the kids do they really love me? Do they care about me?_

_ME… the man cold as ice?_

_Nonsense… I'm unimportant, no one notice my existence and no one is interested in it!_

_Tell me Yohji why are your eyes glittering …are your unshed tears really for me or are you only afraid of being alone? _

Aya came out of his thoughts after Yohji pulled Ayas hand to his mouth and kissed his fingers.

"Aya I can't say the words you want to hear … not now but one day I will say it" he whispered and he still hold Ayas hand tight between his own.

"I don't plan to die but when the time comes I won't fight … I don't want any more… and I can't stand your presence anymore…because you" Aya couldn't finish his sentence because Yohji interfered

"Do you want to say that's my fault like the day on the roof … Do you try to blame me for your misery…" Yohji yelled, he was confused about his feelings and overcharged with the whole situation so he didn't listen to what Aya had to say and understood him completely wrong.

"Do you think that low about me? … Am I that disgraceful?" Aya gave Yohji a smile full of pain, it hurt so much that Yohji thought he was nothing more than scum but what hurt the most was that he didn't listen to what he wanted to tell.

"That's for you" Aya said cold and put a present out of his pocket "it's your Christmas present"

Yohji was shocked, he didn't understand the meaning.

"Maybe I will try to come home with you, maybe I won't… who know so I want to give you your present now but don't open it before Christmas" Aya said in a tone cold as ice and loosed his hand out of Yohjis grip, Aya had put up his mask back in place as if nothing happened.

Yohji watched Aya go and stared at the present in his hand.

"God why was I so angry …damn it, damn it" he cursed "His hurt eyes and the pained smile why have I said something like that… why haven't I listened to what he had to say?!"

Yohji shoved the present into his pocket and took a deep breath, the cold night air cleared his head "primary mission: Save Aya" he muttered and joined his friends.

"We have 10 minutes left we should take our positions" Omi said.

"You're right" Ken confirmed.

"Let's go" Aya said cold.

_ Now he's Abyssinian again … proud and strong._

_His will is strong so I can only hope that Abyssinian will take care of Aya and Ran for me._

_Please do it for me ….. Live for me._

_God sometimes I'm glad that he has 3 personalities _

"Access!" Aya said in a cold tone but Yohji could swear he heard fear in his voice.

Yohji was the only one who noticed the whiff of emotions in the voice of their leader.

He knew everything about Aya, how he walked, he spoke and what the truth was behind his lies.

Aya couldn't fool him, he was like an open book for him but he knew also Aya was able to see behind his facade.

_ Don't do something stupid Aya … I swear I will go to hell and kick your ass out of it and drag you with me into the world of the living_

Yohji and Omi walked without a noise through the corridor, they looked at every corner

"Here's something wrong, it's too simple" Yohji said in a low voice.

"Yeah you're right I'm sure it's a trap" Omi said afraid, he hated the silence this time it was balefully, he could feel the silence … the loneliness and darkness.

"We should contact Abyssinian" Yohji whispered worried.

"Balinese you know it's forbidden to contact each other before we reached the meeting place" Omi nagged.

"I know but there's no other way" Yohji sighed.

Aya and Ken walked up the stairs to the 2nd floor and they started to distrust the whole situation.

"Where is the security?" Ken asked suspicious.

"Hn" was everything he got from Aya "Prissier than normal" Ken whispered but not loud enough for Aya to hear this.

"Abyssinian?" Yohji said worried "Damn it answers me!" a few seconds elapsed and it seems to be an eternity.

"Aa" came a answer through the headset.

"Damn you can't ignore me I thought… I thought…" Yohji remained silent.

"Why do you break the radio silence?" Aya asked angry.

"There's something wrong, I'm sure it's a trap" Yohji said calm, he didn't want to annoy Aya even more, he must find a way to fix the disaster and he thought that a calm talk would be the best beginning.

"I know" Aya said casual "It's to easy" he tried to banish his emotions from his voice, he was still shocked by Yohjis words

_I'm nothing more than scum, I'm only someone he got used to, worthless … useless … unloved_

"BAMMMM" a loud noise dinned through the headset, it sounded like an explosion or a gunshot, Yohji didn't know what it was.

"Ayaaa … Aya talk to me, what happened" he screamed but got no answer.

_ Maybe I will try to come home with you, maybe I won't… who know…_

_Maybe I will try to come home with you, maybe I won't… who know…_

_Maybe I will try to come home with you, maybe I won't… who_ _know… _

_I can't get the image out of my head…_

_Aya please be all right … be all right! _

Yohji was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't notice that Omi ran to him, he stood on guard as long Yohji tried to contact Aya.

"Balinese what …?" Omi panicked as he saw Yohjis reaction.

"There was a loud noise and then … then… Aya doesn't answer" he stuttered.

"Siberian, hey can you hear me? Siberian?" Omi was frustrated "Ken doesn't answer" he whined.

"Let's go they must be nearby…" Yohji sprinted and Omi followed him as fast as he could but it wasn't easy to keep up with Yohji "damn it I'm definitely too short" he gasped.

"Damn it" Ken cursed "I hear nothing, it's too silent" he mumbled to himself.

He stood on guard as long Aya talked with Yohji, he thought that they made a new plan but after he saw Ayas gaze he wasn't so sure anymore.

Out of nowhere flew a grenade in front of Kens feet, Aya saw the grenade and pulled Ken into the next room.

In the moment Aya closed the door the grenade explode but instead of a deafening bang they could feel a shock wave.

"Siberian you're Ok?" Aya asked and Ken could see worry in his eyes.

"Yes … Thank you" Ken said relieved and gave Aya a little smile "and you?"

"Aa" he said and turned around to analyze the room but it was normal office with a Desk, a PC and filing cabinets.

_ I don't think we will find something that could be of use._

_The window has bars … no chance to escape … we must use the door if we want to leave …_

_I don't want to know how many guards are waiting in front of the damn door._

_I must protect Ken but how … come on Aya think, think! _

"Aya our communication system is dead … " Ken said frustrated, Aya tested his headset but nothing "the shock wave" Aya sighed.

"Yeah … but what can we do, how can we escape?" Ken asked afraid, he thought he will never see his Omi again.

"Don't worry you will see him again" Aya tried to comfort him, he could see that his thoughts were by his love.

Ken gave Aya a embarrassed smile "I hope so"

"I will make sure that you can take him into your arms … alive of course" Aya said in an unusual soft tone.

Ken stared at him and wasn't sure what he should think about Ayas comment but he decided it wasn't a bad sign "Thank you … we will protect you too" he said by courtesy and on the other hand he wasn't interested in Ayas well being.

"Don't say something like that when you don't mean it" Aya said cold, he could see in Kens eyes that he wasn't honest.

_ It doesn't matter to him what happen to me, he only wants Omi … He would let me die to safe him …I'm sure! But I think I would choose Yohji when I can't safe everyone so I can understand his feelings._

…

_I don't understand why it hurts so much; I would choose my love too! _

"I'm sorry but at the moment I'm worried about me and Omi" Ken said snappish, he wasn't in the mood to discuss with Aya.

"I know" Aya said casual "I will go" he said and went to the door, before he could open it Ken started to yell.

"Are you stupid? They will kill you! Let us make a plan or wait for Yohji and Omi"

Aya looked at him and Ken could see an emotion in his eyes, he didn't know what it was but it was definitely a reason to worry.

Aya tilted his head a bit to the right side and gave Ken a light smile as if he wanted to say goodbye.

He turned around, opened the door and ran out of the room.

Ken ran to the door but was too cowardly to help Aya, he felt ashamed but on the other hand he didn't want to die "When he wants to die it's not my problem"

He could hear gunshots and screeches, he knew Aya needed help but he couldn't, after four minutes he found the strength to fight and ran out of the room.


	5. 5: Mission: Save Aya

Aya ran out of the room he knew the guards waited at the next corridor, they waited for the boys to think they're safe.

But no one thought that one of the boys would actually attack them, so Aya had the element of surprise on his side.

"Shiii-neeee" Aya yelled and slashed through the backbone of an inattentive guard.

After Aya killed the young man, 6 guards tried to bear him down.

Aya thrust his Katana through backbones, guts and sinews; now were 2 guards left but Aya was tired and not fast enough to avoid a knife which cut deep into the flesh of his shoulder.

He thought he will die but all of a sudden he heard a familiar noise, it was the sound of Yohjis wire, as he opened his eyes he could see the pain filled face of the guard.

Yohji cut with his wire through his neck and Omi killed the last guard with one shot

"Aya, are you all right?" Yohji asked breathless.

"Aa" Aya murmured "Aya, where is Ken …. Tell me where he is" Omi asked harsh and impatient.

"I'm here" Ken said before Aya got the chance to answer "I was so worried" he said and took Omi into his arms.

"Ken I thought…" Omi sighed and kissed him.

"Aya what happened?" Yohji asked in a soft tone "a shock wave killed our communication system and because the thing looked like a grenade we hid in one of the offices" Aya answered and closed his eyes, his shoulder hurts like hell and the blood loss let his vision blur for a few seconds.

"Aya?" Yohji came closer to the redhead and put a hand on his shoulder; Aya opened his eyes again and jerked away.

"I want to see the wound" Yohji said serious and Aya didn't want to fight with him again "Ok" he said cold.

"I think it's not that bad" Yohji sighed as he examined the wound "sorry Aya but I will press my hand on your wound to stop the bleeding … we have nothing else to stop it at the moment"

"Hn" Aya grumbled he loved and hated Yohjis touch at the same time.

"Ken why haven't you fought with him?" Yohji asked angry "Why? … I didn't want to die, he stormed out of the office and attacked the guards … Am I stupid?!"

Ken grouched.

"There wasn't another exit… it was better to initiate the first attack before they come to us" Aya explained tired.

"But it's suicide… you can't run into an army and expect from me that I will follow you" Ken yelled "I planned a future with Omi and I won't die because of you"

"We are a team it's your duty to protect your teammates … we are a family, damn it!"

"I'm happy that Ken didn't fight against them" Omi said casual, Ayas eyes widened now he knew once and for all that he was worthless.

Yohji wanted to attack Ken and Omi but Aya stopped him "Yohji NO … It's not the time for rowing"

"What? They are selfish and they know nothing" Yohji hissed

"I'm not worth it, don't ruin your family for me" Aya whispered and he hoped that only Yohji could hear it.

The boys were too busy with themselves to notice Ayas comment but Yohji felt how pain enclosed his heard "Aya" he said weak "don't!"

"Let's go" Aya ordered and walked through the corridor; Yohji kept still and followed Aya without an argument.

Ken and Omi looked at each other and felt guilty, how could they treat Aya like that, he was a part of the family, he was the one who cared the most for them "We should say sorry as fast as we can" Ken said sad.

"Aya! Wait!" Omi said in a low tone he was worried the guards could notice them.

"What do you want?" Yohji asked harsh and Omi could see hate in his emerald eyes.

"We…we want to say sorry … We're so sorry"

"Aa" Aya muttered and Yohji knew it was too late for an apology, Ken and Omi looked frustrated, they hoped a simple apology were enough.

_ Ayas condition is dangerous; thanks to the boys I'm sure Aya won't fight for his life._

_Ok Yohji you must safe him … safe him … don't fail _

"Aya I'm sure they're really sorry" Yohji tried to start a conversation but got no answer "Aya talk to me, please" he begged, the boys were surprised about Yohjis tone.

"I know" Aya said finally "I would make the same choice … I would choose the one I love too" he added cold.

Yohji felt how his heard made a jump by Ayas words "Aya" he said in a gentle tone.

Ken and Omi thought they have misheard … Aya never said something like that …Aya would never say something like that "What's up with you guys?" Ken asked suspicious.

"What do you mean?" Aya asked cold but his eyes were tiered.

"You're not yourself and the tone Yohji talks with you is too gentle, so tell us what's up?" Ken answered blunt as ever.

"It's not your business" Aya said cold and staggered, his wound hurt and he wasn't in the mood to play the strong man but to tell the truth he wanted to die here and now.

"Of course it's our business … you could kill us or ruin the mission" Omi said carefully.

"I won't allow it" Aya said cold and collected all his strength to look proud and strong as ever.

Yohji went faster and put an arm around Ayas shoulder "I won't allow you to sacrifice your own life for one of us …" he whispered into Aya ear.

"I won't let you die … and when that means to sacrifice my life I will definitely do it!" Aya said tired.

"Aya let us rest for a few minutes … I'm sure no one will come, I think they planned a huge trap for us" Yohji tried to persuade him "Let's find a first aid kit or at least towels or something like that"

"No we have a schedule" Aya didn't want a pause he wants to finish the mission as fast as they could.

Yohji pushed Aya against the wall and looked deep into his eyes "We will rest and take care of your wound and then we will think about the mission" he said in a strong tone.

Omi and Ken were surprised, Yohji never attacked Aya before, at least not so serious and he never touched him like that "Yohji are you tired of life, you can't treat him like that" Ken said worried.

"Shut up!" Yohji hissed and gave him an Aya -like death glare "I will take care of his wound"

"Ok" Aya gave in "do what you want"

"Ken what the hell is that" Omi whispered but he only gave a shrug.

They went from one office to another always prepared to attack but no one stood in their way.

"Nothing … absolutely nothing they must have a medi kit somewhere …but nooo all offices are empty" Yohji cursed.

"It looks like they evacuated the building, they knew that we will come" Omi concluded.

"Aya sit down" Yohji ordered as they reached the last office at the 2nd floor.

Yohji helped Aya to sit against the wall while Omi and Ken searched for a medi kit "Ouch" Aya cursed, he hated the whole situation.

"Aya do you feel better?" Yohji asked worried and touched Ayas forehead, he was so pale and had a fever.

"Yeah" Aya answered cold "can we go now"

"No" Yohji put off his coat and pullover "What do you do?" Aya asked confused.

"I will use my shirt as a bandage" he answered and ripped his shirt and bound it around Ayas shoulder as good as he could.

"Sometimes I think you like me" Aya sighed, he tried hard not to blush but Yohjis build was really a great view, his soft skin, the line of his muscles and the perfect form of his collarbone "put on your pullover and coat it's cold you will catch a cold"

"Don't worry about me" Yohji said and wiped a strand out of Ayas face "take care of yourself".

"Ok it's enough what happened between you?" Ken grouched "do you have a fight again? Ok! But don't ruin our mission"

Yohji jumped up and wanted to hit Ken with a slam but Aya grabbed his wrist and held it tight.

"Yohji don't" he gasped; he wanted to stop Yohji but didn't think of his shoulder.

Yohji kneeled next to Aya and pressed his hand on the wound "don't forget we want to stop the bleeding, we don't want make it worse" he said in a soft tone.

"Reflex" Aya answered casual "The wound isn't bad it won't affect me, don't worry"

"Don't worry?" Yohji sighed "of course I'm worrying"

Aya gave him a soft and shy smile "Sorry" he whispered; Yohji patted Ayas head and was relieved that he smiled at him.

_Is it a good sign? Or is it bad? No I'm sure it's good … It must be good _

"Can we go? When we stay any longer I go crazy" Ken said "It's creepy they're waiting for us we should cancel the mission" Omi added.

"Maybe it's a good idea" Aya said cold "but I don't think that Manx will let us live"

"We can try it another time" Omi said "we did that often"

"Tonight is the only chance do you remember?" Yohji said frustrated "Let's go … wait Aya I help you" he added and helped Aya to stand up, he looked better the pause was a good idea, Yohji thought.

"It should be the second door on the left side" Omi said as they reached the 3rd floor.

"Ok, let's go" Aya ordered and opened the door, after they entered the room they were blinded by a strong light.

"Ahh welcome Weiss, I thought you won't come anymore" the target made fun of the boys.

"A warehouse?" Omi panted "it should be conference room"

The boys went down the stairs they had no choice the door behind them was shut and the only way was the way into the arms of the enemy.

"The blueprints are faked….. Am I right?" Ay asked the target and got a arrogant laugh

"Yeah they are" he laughed "and now let's start the show ….. ATTACK!"

Out of nowhere appeared over 30 heavy armed soldiers and our boys didn't know where they should begin.

Aya headed for a group of five men "Shi-nee" he yelled and thrust his Katana deep into their flesh and through their bones.

Yoihji swung his wire and slid it through their flesh as if it where butter, he killed 8 men that way.

Ken and Omi killed together circa 14 men, it was a horrible view but they ignored it and pierced with their weapons through the next guards.

The soldiers were good the boys had flesh wounds; bruises and laceration "They are good" Aya gasped "I can't stand more hand to hand combats"

Aya and Yohji hid behind a small container to get a little break and they wanted to hide from the bullets.

"We killed so many, what are ten more" Yohji said and smiled at him before he squeezed Aya fragile hand.

"Yeah maybe we are better than Besessen" Aya sighed "but it isn't over yet … I want to go home" he added and closed his eyes.

"You will go home but with me … back to the Koneko" Yohji ordered in a soft tone, while he watched Ayas face.

"Can we talk? If we come home" Aya whispered "Of course we can what do you think?" Yohji asked terrified and made a mistake by the choice of his tone, he wanted it to sound soft and worried but instead it sounded frustrated and a bit cold.

"You know what I mean" Aya sighed "…the incident", Yohji wanted to answer but he didn't get the chance.

"OMIII" Ken screamed all of the sudden appeared three snipers at one of the huge platforms at the 1st floor.

Aya and Yohji looked around and saw the snipers "Oh god" Aya whispered and ran towards Omi, Yohji tried to tightened his grip around Ayas hand to stop him but he wasn't fast enough and Ayas fragile fingers slipped through his fingers together with his hopes "AYAAAAA!" he screamed and ran after him.

"Omi take cover!" Aya yelled and Omi turned around but there was no hiding place, he hadn't the time to run that far.

They could see tears in Omis eyes, as he noticed that this was his end, that he won't see a future with his beloved Ken.

The snipers shot and Omi stared at Ken, he wanted to say goodbye, he wanted to say sorry.

Omi waited for the bullets to hit through his flesh, as he felt a strong hand which pushed him ungentle against a container.

"NOOOOO" Yohji screamed and shot his wire towards one of the snipers, he pulled with a slam at his wire and wrenched him into the precipice, after him he strangled and torn the other snipers apart.


	6. 6: Realization

Omi opened slowly his eyes and saw Aya, the bullets which were meant for him hit him and the blood splattered around him like rain.

Yohji saw how the bullets' hit his friend; the blood splattered out of the wounds and enclosed him like a soft rain.

His heard broke as Aya glanced over to him before he fell to the ground, Yohji didn't knew how he killed the snipers or how he got the strength to torn them apart with a speed like that but after he saw Aya fall he 'burst' with rage.

Ken ran to Omi and helped him to stand up "Omi, are you ok?"

"Yeah …(sob) but Aya… he" Omi cried and went slowly to Ayas lifeless body.

Yohji was faster than the boys and fell on his knees next to Aya before he turned him gently around.

"Aya?" he whined and wiped a strand out of his cold and pale face.

Blood ran down the corner of his mouth and his coat was covered with blood "Aya please don't leave" Yohji begged.

He took Aya into his arms and watched his face "Yo-hji" Aya whispered and looked with bleary eyes at him.

"I'm here … I'm here" Yohji said in a sad tone "everything will be all right …do you understand?"

Ken and Omi watched how Yohji begged for Aya to live and how the color drained from Ayas cheeks.

Yohji cupped Ayas cheek with one hand and tried to wipe the blood away, which flowed out of the redheads mouth, with his thumb.

"Take … care of her… (cough)" Aya begged and touched Yohjis hand which rested on his cheek "she doesn't ne-ed a …lot of ti-me"

"You will take care of her" Yohji yelled with fear in his voice "everything will be all right and then you will take care of her"

Aya gave Yohji a soft smile as if he wanted to say you know it´s not the truth before he closed his eyes and his head fell to the left side "RAAANNN NOOOO" Yohji screamed as Ayas fragile hand loosed the contact with his now shaking hand "Don't leave" he turned Ayas head a bit to the side, he stared at the peaceful and pale face for a few seconds, which felt like a eternity before he kissed his redhead, his tears dripped down on Ayas face and he could taste Ayas blood "Don't go" he breathed against Ayas cold lips.

Omi cried and even Ken tried to suppress a sob, they didn't believe their own eyes; Aya sacrificed his life for Omi and Yohji kissed Aya! That broke their heart "Where – where you a couple?" Omi sobbed "No … I rejected him …but I thought… (sob) I have more time to correct my mistake (sob)" Yohji answered, his voice was unbearable sad.

Yohji rested his chin on Ayas head and rocked gently back and forth, he couldn't sit still and he didn't want to let go of his redhead.

/"A white light, it's so warm … " Aya thought as he floated through a beautiful white light, he felt relaxed and tired.

But suddenly grabbed a hand his arm and forbid him to go into the light "Ran don't go "

He opened his eyes, he knew the voice and he loved it "Aya-chan" he whispered "Am I dead?"

"No you hover between life and death" she said in a calm tone "like me"

"I missed you" Ran said and smiled at her "I missed you too big brother"/

Yohji still hugged Ayas lifeless form as he felt how Ayas heart started to beat again, he was dead for 2 minutes and 28 seconds "Aya?" he laughed and cried at the same time.

Ken and Omi searched for the target but he was gone "Damn it" Ken cursed enraged.

As they came back to Yohji they started to worry, Yohji was happy?

"Yohji? You're ok?" Omi asked gentle and tried not to sob.

"Let's take him to the hospital" Yohji ordered and lifted Aya up "his heart is beating"

The boys stared at Yohji with wide eyes, they couldn't believe that Aya was … alive.

Aya lay at the backseat and his head rested in Yohjis lap.

Ken drove the seven but the next hospital was 30 minutes away and they knew with all the snow they will need more time.

Omis eyes were still red but he stopped to cry, he wanted to be strong, he wanted to hold his family together.

Ken felt guilty because of the fight with Aya, and Yohji … Yohji was broken, at first he cried and begged and then he was calm and gentle towards Aya, and Omi was sure that Aya meant the whole world to Yohji.

"Yohji?" Omi asked carful "How is he?"

"He's still alive but his breath is weak and he's so cold" Yohji said in a weak tone while he fought against his tears.

Omi looked at Aya and realised that he loves the redhead, not like he loved Ken but how he would love a brother … brother no that was bad to compare him with a brother, though he had a brother like Aya and not like the damn dead bastard … Omi cogitated.

"Yeah like a good big brother" Omi whispered to himself before he closed his eyes, he tried to banish his thought and memories for a while.

Yohji cares Ayas pale cheek and held his hand really tight, he wanted to make Aya feel his presence … his love.

"You're not alone" Yohji whispered "you're not alone"

/"Why am I here?" Ran asked confused "I thought I will die" he added in a sad tone.

"I can't allow it" she said serious "I want you to live I want you to be happy"

"Happy?" Ran repeated "… a long time ago"

"It was hard for you" she said in a soft tone and touched Rans cheek "It must be horrible to lose us at the same day"

"I was alone … all of the sudden I was completely alone" Ran gave her a pained smile as he remembered his family.

"I'm so sorry … Ran" Aya said and tears ran down her cheeks, Ran never thought that a ghost could cry and wiped the tears away.

"Don't cry" he said in a soft tone like he did as Aya-chan was a kid "Don't cry"/

They needed 50 minutes before they reached the hospital.

The Doctors and nurses brought Aya straight to the surgery and everything the boys could do was to wait.

Yohji waited at the smoker area and smoked one after another and drank coffee like it was water.

Omi stood at the floor and stared at the door as if Aya would jump out of it every second and say it was a bad dream.

And Ken watched Yohji and Omi, he couldn't console his lover and he couldn't look into Yohjis eyes because the feeling of guilt was too strong.

They waited six long hours already and didn't speak a single word with each other.

"Aya would be angry when he could see you now" the doc said, she was one of Kritikers Doctors and knew the boys for years "he wants you to hold together and not to drown in self pity and guilt"

"Doc" Yohji jumped up and threw his cup into the trash bin "how is he?" the doc could see that he wanted to cry but held it back.

"He's alive" the doc said sad and they knew it wasn't good "he has a chance …a little chance to survive; it is a wonder that he reached the hospital alive"

Yohji felt how his world chattered, it was his fault he broke Ayas fragile soul and from now on he would pray for Aya to live and when he should survive he will make him happy and care for him … and listen to him always and carefully.

"Can we see him?" Omi asked and his eyes were red "he needs us" he added

"I will bring you to him" she said and wanted to go as Yohji stopped her "Doc?" he asked "Can he share a room with Aya-chan?" Yohji knew that the doc knew what he meant; she always kept an eye on Aya-chan for them.

"Of course … I will arrange it" she smiled sad "… do you think it will help?"

"I want them to be together and I promised to take care of her so it's better when they share a room" Yohji explained.

"I never saw Aya-chan" Ken sighed "I only know that she exists"

"You will like her" Yohji answered "She's a nice girl" Omi looked at Yohji and noticed that he really cared for Aya-chan "Do you saw her?" Omi finally asked.

"I visited her with Aya" Yohji said proud "and I took care of her when Aya wasn't able to take care of her for a while" but his look was terribly sad now "Aya said that she will die"

Omi and Ken stopped "She …what?" they gasped "Her condition isn't good and it looks like she gives up on living but we still have hope" the doc interfered to make Yohji and the boys hope, they needed it.

"Here we are" she said and opened the door to Ayas room.

He lay on the bed and a machine breathed for him and there were a lot of tubes and infusions

Yohji thought he will break down, the sight was heartbreaking, he went slowly to Aya and sat down on a chair next to him.

"You can touch him" the doc said as she saw that Yohji wasn't sure if he can hold Ayas hand or not.

He took Ayas hand into his own and stared at the thin and pale hand.

"I will let you alone" the doc said and went away, Omi and Ken sat down on the other side of Ayas bed; they wanted to give Yohji some private space with Aya.

"Yohji, can I ask you a question?" Ken asked he wanted to start a conversation; he couldn't stand the silence anymore.

"Yeah" Yohji said in a low ton, his eyes still rivet on Aya.

"Why did you reject him, when you regret it that much?" Ken asked in a soft tone, he didn't want to annoy him.

"I think I hated the thought of being gay" Yohji explained "at the beginning I thought it was only friendship from time to time I had doubts but I talked myself into believing that the feelings were friendship"

"What changed?" Omi asked out of nowhere, Yohji was surprised and for the first time he was aware of the fact that he felt love for the redhead and it didn't matter that Omi and Ken knew that.

"He confessed to me, he gave me a kiss and since then I was really confused …. I kinda knew that friendship was the wrong description for my feelings but on the other hand I tried to ignore the meaning of this feeling" Yohji said in a soft tone while he patted Ayas head.

"and how did Aya feel as you rejected him … was he more or less all right?" Omi asked worried, it was strange before Aya got shot they had a heavy fight but what worried Omi the most was that Yohji and Aya, maybe didn't part in peace.

"He cried …" Yohji sighed as he remembered that day.

"What?" Ken asked "what did you do? You were friendly right?"

"I yelled at him and shoved him away; I said I will never talk about it again, … because I'm a ladies' man … " Yohji answered and tried not to cry.

"Even though you said you won't, did you talk about it?" Omi asked interested, he noticed that he lost the contact to his family, he didn't know what Aya and Yohji do, how they felt or what happened to them anymore.

"No … He stopped talking with me" Yohji whispered "and the few times I got him to speak with me…"

"What happened?" Ken asked, also Ken noticed that his family drifted apart, he was so busy whit his beloved Omi that he forgot to care for Yohji and Aya.

"He was prepared to die tonight …. He didn't want to come home" Yohji sobbed and his hands trembled.

Omi felt how pain shot through his heart

_ Why? …. Why didn't I see it, why haven't I noticed it …..?_

_I didn't listen; I didn't watch … I didn't care!_

_I abandoned my family _

"Omi it wasn't your fault" a voice ended his thoughts, it was Yohji, he saw the guilt in Omis eyes and the pain.

"Ken we were too busy with us to see….." Omi sobbed, Ken felt the same way and didn't know what to say.

"It isn't your fault … It's my fault" Yohji tried more or less to console them "I haven't listen, he said I never listened carefully and he was right I never did … our friendship … I took it for granted but …" he sighed "our friendship was fragile like an orchid … he listened to everything I said and tried to console me … when I had a bad dream about Asuka, he was there and took me into his arms, when I came home drunk, he waited the whole night for me to return and took care of me, when I was hurt, he tried to make my life easier…but I…I only hurt him"

"I don't think so" Ken said confident "I'm sure he likes your presence and he likes to take care of you"

"He loves you more then you could ever hurt him, in his heart you will be Mr. Perfect forever" Omi interfered "Ok he must stand one or two kinks …. Or more but… it isn't a bad thing" he tried to talk as if a future for them definitely exist; he didn't reconcile himself to something else.

"He would like it" Yohji whispered and the boys were confused "What would he like?" Ken asked.

"How we talk, … I think we are on the best way to be a family again" Yohji answered "he hated it when we weren't interested in each other"

"We have a long way to go" Omi said sad "we drifted miles away from each other"

"I don't think we will need that long" Yohji said confident "We have time now"

"Yeah, we have time" Ken confirmed.


	7. 7: Goodbye

/"I feel tired" Ran said and watched Aya-chan, she sat with him on a black stone in the middle of nowhere "It's the narcosis you're in the surgery for four hours now" she answered

"Yohji and the boys must be sick of worrying by now" Ran sighed.

"Yes they are, … Yohji smokes one after another and drank a few liters of coffee already, Omi stares at the door of the surgery and Ken is watching them" she smiled.

"Can you see them?" Ran asked surprised "Yeah I can, with the time you learn to control this world, I watched you too"

"You must be disappointed" Ran sighed and looked to the ground, Aya-chan took his and squeezed it "No Ran, I'm proud of you, you take care of me, you must pay the bill for the hospital, you take care of your team and you only kill bad people … It's good that they're dead and not alive" she said serious

"I always thought you will hate me" Aya confessed but Aya-chan only smiled at him

"I love peace and have a high moral but I'm not a saint" she chuckled "some people deserve it to die" she added soft.

"Like me" Ran whispered but Aya-chan didn't want to hear that "You deserve it to live" she said hard "you deserve a life with Yohji and the kids"

"I'm not important to them" Ran was sure they wouldn't cry about his death, they would go on with their lives.

Yohji would drink and fuck every hot women he can get, Omi will take care of them like a mother hen and Ken will train his football kids, everything will be normal.

"You are important" Aya-chan was frustrated how could he think that no one love him.

"Really?" he asked more to himself but Aya-chan heard him "Yeah really" she sighed.

For a moment Ran had a warm feeling on his right hand, but Aya-chan held the left one

_Strange I have the feeling someone is holding my right hand, it's so warm and I could swear someone squeezed it … strange _

Aya-chan waved her hand over the ground and a pool appeared.

The water was deep black only a few waves glittered on the surface and let it look like white stars.

"What's that?" Ran asked shocked "You learned a lot huh?"

"Yeah I did" she smiled "I have a lot of time"/

"Only now I realize that I really love him, it wasn't friendship or the warm feeling of comfort.

He must die before I realize that I was wrong" Yohji sobbed "ironic"

"He almost died" Omi corrected him "he won't die"

"…" Yohji said nothing, he wasn't sure but he hoped that Omi will be right.

"We will pray and we will hope" Ken said serious "and then he will come back home"

Yohji squeezed Ayas hand tighter and rested his head near Ayas arm he was tired and thought about revenge.

Yohji woke up as the nurses brought Aya-chan into the room, they placed her bed near the window, she looked fragile and paler than normal.

Yohji greeted her and placed a kiss on her forehead "Please … help me to save him" he whispered and somehow he knew she heard him.

Omi and Ken stared at her, they never saw her before and were surprised that that girl is Ayas little sister "She looks so innocent and gentle" Omi said as he watched her, Ken nodded "I can't believe that they're siblings"

"She is a nice girl, Aya told me about his past with her and I can understand that he treasures her like an angel … Ok it's normal to treasure a sibling but for him she's something like a saint" Yohji tried to explain "and do you know what? Aya is the same"

"He is?" Ken asked suspicious, Aya and a saint?

"Deep down he's still Ran and Ran is friendly, loving and gentle … I wasn't allowed to see this side very often but I know enough about him" Yohji told them, he was proud that he was the only one who saw every side of his soul but on the other hand he hated himself because he never paid attention to Ayas fragile side only now he remembered them.

"Ran … it's a beautiful name I think it's suitable for him" Omi said and smiled at him "someone who caress so much for his family can't be a bad person"

Yohji went back to Ayas bed and felt how rage build up in him, two beautiful people were between life and death, two people he considered as family.

He didn't knew Aya-chan awake but it doesn't matter she's Ayas sister also a member of the family and no one lay a hand on his family. "Omi, do me a favor" Yohji said serious and Omi knew he would like it "What can I do?" he said.

"I need the passenger lists … I want to know when the damn bastard leaves the town and I need the blue prints from the air port" Yohji smirked and added deadly serious "I will kill him … He will definitely die"

Omi didn't like it he loved it "I'm on my way … Ken I need your help we haven't a lot of time"

Ken grinned at Yohji and patted Ayas hand "Family"

"Family" Yohji confirmed and gave him a light smile as response, Omi was sure Aya would love it.

/"Look at the pool" she said and he could see Yohji "What's that?" he asked surprised.

"I can show you the past and the present" she explained "You were said that Yohji had a new whore … do you want to see what really happened?"

"….. yeah" he whispered and peered hard at the pool and what he saw broke his heart.

Yohji was at a bar and flirted with a beautiful girl, they kissed and danced, Aya felt incredible jealous.

They left the club and they were on their way to her apartment but Yohji didn't looked like he wanted to screw her.

Yohji stopped before they reached her apartment "I can't do this" he sighed.

"What?" she yelled but Yohji shook his head "I can't … I can't get a friend out of my head, I don't want to betray him … sorry" he explained and turned around.

"Damn fag, don't play with me … aahhh" she was furious and stomped away.

"You see … He didn't go home with her …for you" Aya.chan smiled, she liked Yohji and knew he was good for her brother.

Ran was speechless; he never thought Yohji would turn an offer down especially not for him.

"He likes you … I think he can't handle his emotions"

"He pities me that's all … "Ran said simply, he couldn't imagine that someone like Yohji would ever love him.

"Brother doesn't be like that" Aya-chan sighed "Why can't you believe in him?"

"He yelled at me, he thinks I'm nothing more like scum and sometimes … I'm sure he hates me" his eyes glittered with his unshed tears./

The boys needed a few hours for the research but they were successful but as they packed clothes for Aya and Yohji the found something … they didn't want to find.

"Yohji we have the information's" Omi stormed into the room, Yohji stared at the boys in shock, he fell asleep and the boys startled him.

"Great" he said sleepy "what are the bad news?" he could see it in their eyes.

"We are bad liars huh?" Ken detected and got a smile in return "Yes you are"

"Here the informations and a letter, we found it in Ayas room… We go to the cafeteria do you need something?"

Omi gave the papers to him and dragged Ken out of the room before Yohji could ask unpleasant questions.

Yohji stared at the letter which was labeled with Yohji, he closed his eyes and took a deep breath before he opened the cover.

Dear Yohji,

That implies that I'm dead, when you set eyes on the letter.

The main reason I wrote the letter is that I want to say sorry, I couldn't control my emotions and I brought pain and sorrow with it.

You were a good friend for me, I think the best friend I ever had and you made my life easier,

you tried to protect me and even tried to safe my soul and I'm grateful that I got the chance to meet you.

I know after the day on the roof it's a unpleasant topic but I want to clarify my feelings for you, when you don't want to know you can stop reading, I won't be mad at you.

After I lost everything I had, you and the kids found your place in my heart, I started to think that I'm a part of a family but deep down I knew it wasn't true.

I couldn't be a part of you but I sought salvation in you and that made me happy and the most time I didn't felt lonely.

I never felt alone as you kept me company, I felt safe and loved and even when it wasn't the same for you.

I fell in love with your beautiful emerald eyes and the way you are, you always try to be cheerful and smile at me, your smile is like a gleam of hope so bright and salving and with the time I loved you more and more.

My heart fluttered and I started to notice things I never saw before, the way you walk, the meaning of movements, I even could read you like a book.

But it started to be painful, every time you flirted with girls or came home drunk with the smell of women on you made me jealous and I feel sorry for that, it's your life and I'm not entitled to be angry.

You were my only hope and my only strength, maybe … no I know… you were even the only reason for the bit peace and joy I felt,… and how did I thank you?

I made your life difficult with my love and my antisocial behavior, I'm so sorry, I really am and I hope you can forgive me one day.

I feel useless and unloved, even the boys hate me.

To tell the truth I can live with the fact that the boys hate me but it didn't make things easier for me.

To know that I can care for them in my own way and with the safety that they won't let me down on a mission I can say that I'm proud of my little family.

Maybe, one day … they will understand that I care for them that I really love them like kid brothers.

I didn't write the letter to give you a guilty conscience, please believe me.

I wanted to explain what I couldn't tell you and maybe I wrote the letter to find some peace, I know it's selfish.

Keep an eye on the kids and take care of yourself.

I'm sorry that I fell before you, I'm sorry!

Goodbye

Ran

Yohjis hands shook and tears dripped on the letter, he couldn't believe that he really read it.

It was like a bad dream, all the emotions he had, all the guilt in his heart let Yohjis heart shatter like glass.

"How could I treat you like that?" he whispered to himself "How could I ignore it?"

_ I should have talked with him … but I never listened carefully, I let him alone with all his pain. He loves me so much and I stamped on his heart._

_Ran I love ….. I love you!! _

He put a hand in front of his eyes and wept bitter tears "I'm sorry!"


	8. 8: Don't you dare

Ken and Omi returned after two hours, they knew he didn't want to be seen when he breaks down.

As they opened the door they were stunned, Yohji was gone.

"Where is he?" Ken gasped confused; Yohji would never leave Ayas side.

"The blueprints … he will kill him on his own" Omi noticed that the blueprints and information's were studious outspread on the floor.

Ken closed his eyes "It remains nothing as to pray … I don't want to lose him too"

"We won't lose them … He's pissed off and won't back down" Omi said serious.

"Youre right ….I dont want to know what Yohji will do to him" Ken gulped, Omi gave him a shocked impression "Neither do I"

The airport had great places to hide; the framework of the ceiling was made with massive steel tubes.

_Good that architects like eccentric constructs _

He waited fot the target to come, Yohji watched the people and felt jealous, they had a family or a lover everything looked all right and what did he have? His lover fought for his live, he didnt tell him how he felt and who know if he ever get the chance to tell him … I love you.

"There he is" Yohji whispered and followed him without a noise.

As he reached the VIP room, Yohji had the chance to kill him "Greet Takatori" he whispered and wrapped his wire around the targets neck.

His bodyguards couldnt understand what happened, they couldnt see Balinese between the steel construction and his wire was almost invincible in the light.

The target coughed and gasped. Yohji enjoyed the look in his eyes, the fear and anger "Thats for Abyssinian" he whispered and pulled harder on the wire until the target took his last breath … ok he tried to take a last breath.

Yohji wasnt a great thinker but this time he made plan which was perfect, fast and effective now he could go back to his redhead.

"I'm coming home" he smiled before a sharp pain shot through his heart and he felt something was wrong he needed to be by Ayas side and that as fast as possible "Aya".

/ "He loves you … more than everything" Aya-chan tried to console him "He never hated you"

"You think so?" Ran sighed "I wish youre right" Aya-chan took Rans hand but it didnt help, he felt lonely.

The warmth and comfort he felt the most time disappeared but he didnt understand why this effect him so much.

"Ran?" Aya-chan asked worried "Youre ok?"

"Yeah I'm all right" Ran gave her a faked smile but she could see through his act "You're lying"

"You're good as ever" Ran chuckled "the truth is I feel lonely I have the feeling something important is missing" he confessed because he knew Aya-chan would ask.

"Yohji isn't by your side anymore" Aya-chan explained "That must be the reason for your feeling"

"That was fast" Ran said cold "I didn't think he would leave me that fast"

"Oh you misunderstand" Aya-chan smiled at him "He took the enemies life for you, he killed him before he could enter the airplane" she was happy about Yohjis good work.

"He what?" Ran looked confused, he never thought he would hunt the enemy down for him, it made him happy somehow but the loneliness crept deeper into his heart "He wanted to ease his guilt" Ran whispered.

"Why can't you believe him?" Aya-chan asked angry, she tried so hard to bring them together but what did she get? A heartbroken and hopeless brother.

Ran looked with sad eyes at Aya-chan, he was hurt that she was angry too "Don't be mad" he whispered tired.

"Ran?" Aya-chan panicked, her brother looked pale and tired and she knew what will happen "Ran I'm sorry I didn't mean to snap at you … RAN NO" /

The boys sat next to Ayas bed and watched him "Yohji should be back soon" Omi said tired.

"Yeah … I hope he was successful" Ken yawned and caressed Omis hand.

"When we are home again as a family I will play mother hen again I …" Omi said as a familiar tone interrupted him … Ayas heart stopped.

The doctors and nurses stormed into the room and shoved the boys aside.

Omi stood near the door he needed the feeling that he could flee because he couldnt stand the continuous beep tone "Omi take a deep breath" Ken placed his hand on the kids shoulder "Aya needs us"

Omi nodded and took a few deep breathes as he watched the doctors work; they tried to reanimated him and gave him injections "Where is Yohji?" Omi sobbed "He needs to be here"

"Boys what happened?" Yohji ran through the floor, he was breathless but he couldn't rest not until he was back at the redheads side.

He reached Ayas room and watched them, he felt how his own heart stopped too "God" he whispered as he saw how they shocked Aya and his back arched upwards.

The doctors looked disappointed "I hope it isn't too late I'm afraid we can't rescue him" he heard Ayas doctor say but couldn't believe it, it can't be too late it can't.

Yohji caught his breath and screamed "RAAN COME BACK …. YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME ALONE" he was angry, how could Aya dare to die and leave him behind "RAAAANNN"

At the same time as Ayas heart stopped, Aya-chans vital signs changed too, something stressed her and a friendly young doctor took care of her.

"Aya-chan" Yohji gasped "help him"

A strong male nurse tried to hold Yohji back as long they weren't finished.

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEP ….. BEEP …. BEEP …. BEEEEEEEEEEEP

The doctors looked shocked and happy as they got a sign of life for a few seconds.

"RAAANNN" Yohji escaped the doctor and stormed to Aya to hold his hand and touch his cold face "don't you dare to leave me … I will never let you go" he kissed Ayas forehead.

…………..

…………..

BEEEEEEEP … BEEP … BEEP … BEEP … BEEP …. BEEP ….

Ayas heart started to beat again and the doc shoved Yohji away "Sorry Balinese but he must go back to the surgery he has inner bleedings again"

Now were Ayas heart beat again Aya-chans vital signs changed to normal and the doc were confused but Yohji knew …he knew.

They brought Aya away and Yohji stared at the place where Aya lay moments ago "Yohji?" Ken places a hand at Yohjis shoulder and Omi did the same.

"Were you successful?" Ken tried to take Yohjis mind off his worries about Aya.

"Yeah" Yohji said grim "and I wish I could kill him again"

The boys nodded they wished they were there too, they wanted to kill him but on the other hand they knew Yohji had to do it.

Yohji sat down on a chair next to Aya-chans bed and buried his face in his hands.

He took a few deep breathes to calm down before he took her hand"Thank you" he whispered "Thank you"

/ "Ran come on" Aya-chan said worried as suddenly the with light returned "Ran stay away from the light … stay with me"

But Ran closed his eyes, to feel the warmth of the light; he relaxed and was too tired to fight against the death.

The white light pulled his body closer and tried to engulf him "Yohji" he whispered and a single tear escaped him.

"RAN COME BACK" Aya-chan yelled and as Aya opened his eyes she looked troubled and reached for him "DON'T YOU DARE TO LEAVE ME" Ran was sure for one moment it wasn't his sister who reached out for him, it was Yohjis voice and for one moment she even looked like him, his strong hand reached out for him.

Rans eyes widened and he decided to take Yohjis hand but he disappeared as he took the hand and he looked direct into Aya-chans warm and gentle eyes.

She pulled him back … out of the light.

"Don't do that again" she gasped and hugged him tight "Don't go big brother you're the only reason I'm still alive" they sunk to the ground and remained silent for a while.

"But you're giving up on living" he whispered sad and touched her cold cheek.

"What?" she asked "I never planned on giving up"

"But you're body gets weaker and the doctors say you will leave me"

"I was sad, that's the reason. I saw what happened between you and Yohji, sorry but I even saw the heavy fights and my heart ached I wanted to take you into my arms to tell you that I love you" she explained serious "I was only in a bad mood I will never leave you …"

"So you won't leave me?" he was happy and gave Aya-chan a kiss on her forehead "I love you little sister"

Aya-chan gave him a bright smile "Do me a favor" she made puppy eyes.

"Everything you want" Ran smiled "Be happy with Yohji and create a home for me to return to" she said and snuggled against his chest.

"I try my best" he looked sad into the pool, he had forgotten about it.

He saw Omi cry, Ken looked depressed and Yohji looked as if he wanted to breakdown and cry "Thank you" he heard him whisper.

"Aya I should thank you too, you saved my life again" he looked into his sisters eyes.

"Yohji did the main part, he begged so hard for you to live that his massage reached the world of souls" She was happy, when Ran will go back to the world of living, Yohji will be there for him and never let him go. /

Two hours later Aya came out of the surgery and Yohji left Aya-chans side to appear at Ayas side.

The boys went into the cafeteria, Ken drank a strong coffee and Omi got a strong chamomile tea.

They talked about a lot of things to work up the events, they talked about old memories as they were still a more or less intact family and they mused about the future "In two days is Christmas" Omi sighed, his eyes were still red.

"We will celebrate when he comes home" Ken tried to console him but without success.

"Maybe Yohji was right; the angels are too busy to take care of us"

"Omi he will come home" Ken took Omi into his arms "it's the second time he almost died and he's strong enough to survive, I never thought he will survive the way to the hospital"

"You're right he's strong and I hope he will carry on fighting for his life" Omi gave him a small smile.

Yohji took Ayas hand "Don't do that again" he rested his head against Ayas arm and drifted into an uneasy sleep.

"Yohji?" the voice of a woman appeared out of nowhere.

Yohji turned around and searched for the person, after a while a young woman stepped out of the dark "Aya-chan" he gasped surprised.

"Hey" she gave him a shy smile "I always hoped to meet you one day"

"How?" Yohji was confused "I took all my strength together to visit you in your dream" she tried to explain.

"Oh" Yohji didn't know what to say and wondered if she was real or he gone nuts.

"I'm real" she said soft as if she could read his mind "Don't worry I can't read your mind but I watched you and the others for a long time and I know you"

"You're like your brother, he sees and knows everything too" Yohji smiled sad.

"I want to talk with you about him" she said serious, Yohji nodded and tried hard to change his dream.

His dream world changed from a dark night into a beautiful park with flowers.

The sun was shining and sweet little birds chirped happily "That's better" Yohji said confident.

"It's beautiful, thank you" she smiled "let's sit down"

"How is he?" Yohji asked as they sat down "Will he live?"

"He's labile and I don't know if his will to live is strong enough at the moment but I do what I can"

"Thank you for everything you did" Yohji patted her hand "I know you saved him"

"It wasn't easy at the second time it was you who saved him" she sighed.

"Me?" Yohji asked stunned, Aya-chan looked at a orchid as she started to explain "He didn't want to fight for his life anymore, I could scream and beg but he didn't come back … but then we heard you … you reached out for him and pulled him back … out of the light, your fear and anger reached me and then I reflected the things I heard at the room … I know it's strange"

Yohji could see tears glimmer in her eyes "He came back because I begged?" he couldn't believe what he heard.

"Yeah for you" she confirmed "but he's still sad, he can't believe you and the boys need him, he can't believe that he's important and he thinks you hate him" she added sad.

"Hate him?" he felt his heart clench "I will never hate him"

"I know but he won't believe me … he's hurt because of your fights … both of you said things you didn't mean but they still weight heavy on his heart and soul"

Yohji closed his eyes "What can we do?"

"Wait" she said and squeezed Yohjis hand "I will continue to talk with him and you should continue to hold his hand … he can feel every touch … he said he missed something as you were out to kill the enemy … and we can see you"

"He can feel it and see me? … Then I will make sure that one of us will touch him, when I'm not able for a while Omi or Ken will do it … I will make sure that he knows that we love him"

"Thats good" she smiled "… I asked Ran for a favor and I want to ask you the same"

"Everything you want" Yohji looked at her and waited for her to continue.

She chuckled "Ran said the same" she remained silent for a while "I want that you get together and build a family… you know a happy family with the kids and something like that, I want a home where I can return to"

"You will get a family and we will wait for you" Yohji gave her a smile "Aya will be happy" "Yeah he will" she laughed but then she turned serious "I want you to know that I like you and I'm sure you're good for him but if I'm wrong and you break his heart I will visit you again and it won't be pretty"

Yohji stunned, the little Aya-chan could be frightened like Aya when she was serious "I won't" Yohji answered serious.

Aya-chan knew he told the truth because she never saw him that serious before and his eyes looked honest "He deserves a family and happiness … he lost us all at the same time, all of the sudden … he was alone, no one who cared for him, no one who loved him, no one who consoled him, everything he had was a high hospital bill and a little bit hope that I won't die" a single tear escaped her and Yohji put an arm around her.

"We … I will care for him, I will love him and I will console him and when you come back we will do the same for you"

"I know you will … but I never lost the care and love I have Ran and you" she sniffed "but I'm looking forward to our little family"

"I really love him and I'm sorry that I was so selfish" Yohji apologized.

"It's ok … you can't change the past but you can plan the future" she said and Yohji wondered how a young girl could be so wise.

"I have to go" she said "he fell asleep and I used the chance to meet you but I don't want him to be alone when he wakes up, don't look at me like that even a soul needs some rest"

Yohji smiled as she pouted "Thank you" he added, he had to say it again and gave her a soft kiss on her cheek "I want you to know that I start to love you like a sister and that you are a part of the family even in your current state"

She gave him a bright smile before she disappeared "Will he remember?" the question popped up in his mind as she began to fade and he could hear a low "He won't but his heart will remember" after she disappeared.

Yohji decided to sleep a while longer, he needed time to think about their conversation and he needed time to plan the future.


	9. 9: Christmas

"Yohji wake up" Omi shook him gently "You need something to eat"

"Hmn" Yohji mumbled in responds, Omi tried it again "Yohji wake up" he repeated louder.

Yohji opened slowly his eyes he was still sleepy and needed time to focus "How late is it?" he rubbed his eyes.

Omis smile disappeared "It's midday" Yohjis eyes widened, that means that he slept for ca. thirteen hours "Why didn't you wake me earlier?"

"You need your sleep it isn't healthy when you ignore your own health" Ken answered and Yohji knew he was right, he can't take care of the redhead when he was sick himself.

"You're right" Yohji sighed as the door opened slowly; Yohji stood up and was ready to protect Aya.

"Manx?" Ken was surprised "what do you want?"

"I was worried about you so I thought I visit you" she said and it sounded honest "How is he?"

"Not good" Yohji said and remembered his chat with Aya-chan "Yesterday he almost died and it could happen again"

Manx came closer and watched Aya "He looks peaceful ..."

"What do you really want? You aren't here only to visit us" Yohji asked suspicious, he knew Manx and he didn't trust her.

"I am worried, really. Believe it or not but I care for you but you're right it isn't the main reason" she answered "You did a good job, we are pleased with the result and I'm really sorry that the price was so high and I'm sorry that the informations were wrong"

"Good to know" Yohji mocked and Omi shot him an angry glare "Thank you Manx" the young boy said "Yohji didn't mean it..."

"I know" she said and smiled "Aya said Yohji acts as if he hates me but in reality he holds me in respect even though I'm not trustworthy"

"He told you?" Yohji asked confused, why should Aya tell her what he thought.

"Aya and I talk from time to time, we drink a coffee and I inform him about things" Manx noticed that she talked to much Aya won't like it.

"Do you have an affair?" Yohji asked, he couldn't remember when the last time was he felt so incredible jealous.

Manx blinked "How do you get the idea" she knew how strong Ayas love for Yohji was and she tried everything to cheer the redhead up and encourage him to confess his feelings.

"So you don't love him?" Yohji felt relived, Manx reaction showed that she wasnt Ayas lover.

"What did you talk about?" Omi interfered; he felt that she hid something from them.

"It doesn't matter" she tried to drop the subject but wasn't successful.

"It does matter" Yohji fumed, Ken had the feeling that Manx could try to leave before they got an answer so he blocked the door.

"Ok" she sighed "We talked about his feelings for Yohji and he promised it won't affect his work or the team"

"And?" Omi asked, he knew it wasn't the whole story.

" and we discussed the plans for his solo missions" she rolled her eyes.

"Solo..." Yohji was stunned, why should Aya take solo missions without telling them?

"From time to time he takes missions which were meant for one of you" Manx explained.

"What? Why? Does he need money? Or does he want revenge?" Ken asked surprised he never noticed that Aya took solo missions, secretly.

"No, he didn't do it for material things; he did it to protect you"

"Protect us?" Yohji looked from Manx to Aya "Were we in danger?" he added in a low tone.

"More or less" Manx tone softened "He took your jobs when he thought you weren't able to do it"

"He knows we aren't weak" Ken sounded angry but he knew he had no right to.

"No, he knows you're strong. He did it because" she didn't know how to explain "Yohji likes to drink and wasn't sober enough to do it or he was in a mental state which worried Aya. Or you two where too lovey-dovey to hunt someone down because you weren't focused on the mission... too worried about not coming home.

And he did it when you weren't fully recovered from a wound. We gave you more money for the following mission so you got your fee, Aya made no profit"

Yohji sat down, he wasn't able to stand any longer, he couldn't believe all that.

"Aya" he said gently as he stroke a bang out of Ayas face "you're incorrigible" he sighed.

The boys stared at Aya, they were shocked. They knew he cared for them but they never thought he loved them this much.

They were Manx favourite team; no other team was more like a family as them.

She was proud of the boys, they were killers but at the same time they were able to care for each other.

Manx put her hands into the pockets of her jacket as she felt a box "Oh, I almost forgot" she pulled the box out of the jacket and reached it Yohji "that's the second reason I'm here, Aya asked me to wangle it, it's a Christmas present so don't open it today"

"But he gave it to me already" Yohji looked up with confusion on his eyes.

"I thought I need more time to get it so he bought you a second present, he didn't want you to come away empty-handed"

"Hmpf, typical of him" Yohji answered and took the box "Thank you Manx and ... I'm sorry"

"It's ok, I understand you, believe me I really do" she gave them a gentle smile and left.

"When he wakes up, we have to right a wrong" Ken said and he meant it.

Omi nodded "We have to make a lot of things right"

"I won't let him out of sight" Yohji said certain "no solo missions, no sacrifice, no pain"

"It's time for us to protect him ... he saved my life more than one time, he accepts the fact that I'm a Takatori and I love him like a brother" Omi confessed and patted Ayas hand.

"I'm not on good terms with him but with the time I got used to him, no I started to like him. I still can't accept his behaviour but I start to understand" Ken added, he had the need to tell something about his feelings for the cold swordsman.

Yohji smiled at their comments, it was nice to see that the kids liked Aya.

He wasn't sure if the boys care for him; they talked bad about him or said terrible things like the day at the warehouse.

Omi was nice ... the most time but even he could be extremely cruel; Yohji didn't think it was his intention to hurt him but the result is the same.

And Ken ... Ken always knew what he did, it wasn't a secret that he disliked Aya and he used every chance to act like a jerk towards him but on the other hand he never let Aya down on a mission ... except for the last mission.

"It's nice to know that you don't hate him" Yohji said blunt, he was happy that they confessed that they like him but he had the need to punish them for their behaviour, he tried so hard to keep Aya alive and then they couldn't shut their dirty mouths.

Yohji knew he should be more than happy for their confessions but his happiness didn't last long, suddenly he was overwhelmed with all the emotions of the last days and that's why he made the decision that the boys were to blame as much as himself.

It was the first time that he really thought about it, he was so busy to worry about him and to think about revenge. Now where the enemy was dead and the shock of Ayas asystole was suppressed he was able to think clear.

"What do you mean?" Ken snapped.

"You say that you like him, that you love him like a brother but you hurt him, you let him down on the mission, you blame him for his coldness and use every chance to offend him.

He never said something; he remained silent and accepted it.

Do you really think it won't hurt him? Do you really think he's that cold?"

"We told only the truth and he is bitchy you can't change the fact and you know that.

Also ... you aren't better than we are" Ken yelled angry, it made him angry that he confessed his feelings and everything he got was a lecture.

Omi was speechless, he didn't know if he should be angry or sad.

He knew Yohji was right and that was the problem, he had hurt him and he wasn't fair.

"I never said I'm better but I tried so hard to keep him alive and you, what did you do?" Yohji yelled frustrated.

"We had good times too" Omi interfered; it was frustrating to hear the truth.

"He played with you because he wanted a bit fun before he dies, he said he wanted to say goodbye to someone, didn't you think about his words? Why should a person like Aya use goodbye, huh?" Yohjis tone changed from angry to sad, he remembered his conversations with the redhead and all the sad things he told.

"When did he use goodbye?" Ken couldn't remember that Aya said something.

"As he stormed out of the house ... before we spent our last night together" Omi answered in a low tone, as he heard it the first time it was meaningless for him but now he noticed the importance of the sentence.

"I ran in panic trough the house and you told me with a smile that Aya want to say goodbye to someone" Yohji pressed Ayas hand against his chest "When did you lose your interest in us?"

"it wasn't our intention Yohji" Omi defended them "but like Ken said you aren't innocent either"

"I know I never listened carefully, he always listened to me and tried to console me. I never felt safer than in his motherly embrace but I took it as granted" Yohji blamed himself "He thinks we hate him ... hmpf I can't hold it against him"

"Don't overact, why should he think we hate him?" Ken was still angry and wasn't ready to think about his failures.

"He feels useless and unloved; he wrote it in his farewell letter. I never listened, you guys let him down and ignored him ... yeah I think he has the right to be angry and hurt"

"His soul is shattered but it isn't our fault ... he was already like that as we met him the first time" Ken was pigheaded, Omi wasn't sure what to say "I know he cares for us but he was always cold, he played with us half hearted, he took care of our wounds half hearted ... what I mean is he doesn't need so much attention" he said finally.

"You said when he want to die it's okor don't ruin our mission and so on ..."

"Ahh don't be so fussy" Ken sighed.

"You damn little b..." Yohji started to curse as the doc entered the room.

"Stop it, it's a hospital and I'm sure Aya won't like it either" she yelled angry as Ayas heart beat faster "You caused him stress" she sighed.

Yohji stood up like a flash but didn't let go of his hand and kissed Ayas forehead "Shhh I'm sorry, I'm really sorry ... Ran I didn't mean to cause you trouble, forgive me ... sorry" he whispered gently, with success Aya calmed down but a single tear escaped his beautiful closed eyes.

The boys and the doc watched Yohji they never saw him so gently and loving before.

"Don't cry Ran, don't cry" he wipped the tear away with slight gently touch.

"I'm sorry for the things I said and for making him cry" Omi said honest, he didn't thought that the fight could affect him "I felt like I had to defend us but I know you're right"

"We're all at fault" Ken said in an apologetically tone.

"I'm sorry too" he gave them a short look before he settled down on his chair but didn't stop to caress Ayas hand.

"Leave the room" the doc said still angry and Yohji looked at her like a threatened puppy.

"He needs a check up ... but to tell the truth his life lies in his own hands, we can't do more than we already have" she added.

Yohji remained silent and left the room without an argument, followed by the boys.

/ "Aya where have you been?" Ran asked as Aya-chan returned.

"I hoped you won't notice my absence" she said with a little bit guilt in her voice.

"I thought you left me" Ran took Ayas hand and squeezed it gently.

"I will never leave you" she said honest and Ran knew she won't "I visited Yohji"

"You did ... what?" Ran was shocked, she spoke with him behind his back "Why did you do this?"

"I talked with him about you, I said where you are and that you can feel and see him ... he told me that he loves you and that he's sorry" she said with a bright smile "and I believe him"

"He loves me?" Ran whispered "You must be mistaken" but in reality he wasn't sure if Yohji real lied.

"No I'm not" she answered confident "he will wait for your return with open arms; he said he will take care of you and make you happy... and the reason isn't guilt"

Ran started to smile, he believed his sister, he always did. She was young but her knowledge of human nature was unbeatable "Then I have a home when I come home ..." he beamed with joy.

"Yeah, you have" Aya replied, his reaction made her happy "he said when I wake up, there will always be a place for me ... he likes me like a little sister"

"because you're too cute" Ran chuckled.

"Hey" she laughed and punched him gently "It's because you chose a good man"

Ran smiled, Aya was right Yohji was a good man. He was gentle and he cared for him but he gone through so much pain and losses.

"Oh no" he heard Aya sigh "don't do that"

He didn't understand what she meant but then he noticed the pool, he saw Yohji and the boys against each other and it wasn't pretty, that was really hitting below the belt.

"Why do they fight?" Ran asked absentminded. He heard them and knew why but he never thought they would pick a quarrel because of him.

It broke his heart to see his family fall apart; he got panic what if he ruined everything? What if they start to hate each other? He mused.

"I don't want to cause them trouble" he gasped "Stop to fight" he felt how tears ran down his cheeks.

"Don't cry, I think they need it to sort things out" Aya tried to console him and hoped they will sort things out soon.

Ran gave her a tired chuckle as the doc stormed into the room and started to yell at them "typical of her" he liked their faces as she yelled and especially he loved the feeling of Yohjis gentle touch.

His soft voice was soothing and for the first time he wished he could return to his life.

Aya put him into her arms as he started to cry even harder "Ran, don't cry" she whispered like a mother which consoled her little kid until he calmed down. /

Yohji fell asleep at Ayas side; he was tiered of everything, the rowing, the past and the future, all that was a heavy weight on his already miserable life.

He dreamed of the first day they met, their work, their private life and the last mission.

He missed the nice evenings they spent with talking and drinking, Aya liked it to talk and he liked it to listen to his deep voice.

Yohji really loved Ayas voice and hoped for the day he could hear it again besides he missed his beautiful violet eyes.

The cold glare or the gentle look of understanding it didn't matter which one Aya used, Yohji loved it.

He never noticed that all the little things were that important to him until he almost lost everything.

"Yohji" Omi said carefully, he was still sad about their arguments, he kneeled next to Yohjis chair "wake up" he shook him gently.

Yohji didn't want to wake up, he wanted to see the memories of Aya a little bit longer.

"Come on" the young boy sighed and Yohji realized he had no chance against boy.

"How late is it?" he mumbled and rubbed his eyes with one hand, the other one still rested on Ayas hand.

Yohji stunned as Omi hugged him "Happy Christmas" he said cheerful, it was his way to signalise that everything will be fine.

"Christmas already?" he whispered and patted Omis back, Ken stood near the door and gave him a small smile.

Omi loosened the hug and gave Aya a careful hug "Happy Christmas Aya"

"We brought some presents along, they aren't the main presents only oddments, I hope it's ok?!" Ken said and showed a bag to Yohji "I know we said we will celebrate when he comes home but ... maybe a little party..."

"It's ok" Yohji confirmed, he could understand what he wanted to say.

_ I think it's a good idea. Aya-chan said he can see us so maybe when we celebrate a bit with him, he will come home._

_We will spread a warm atmosphere and care for him._

_Don't you dare to die, I won't let you go, I want you back ... I want you to smile at me, to look at me ... _

"Omi please hold his hand for a while" Yohji asked tiered.

"Sure but why?" Omi asked confused, he didn't understand why it was so important to hold his hand.

"Toilet ... " Yohji saw Omis confused look and added "I don't want him to be alone"

Omi nodded, he heard that people in a coma can feel and hear everything, it must be the reason Yohji won't let go of his hand.

"Ken sit down and lay the presents on the bed" Omi ordered, Yohjis absence was a good opportunity to prepare the little party.

"Looks nice" Yohji said as he came back, he liked the idea to celebrate but it made him unbearable sad at the same time.

He fought with him, violated him and now he feigned a happy life. He made himself sick.

"We bought cookies and cocoa, do you want some?" Omi smile was so innocent he couldn't say no "Of course ... thank you"

To make the young boy and Aya happy he decided to pretended to be happy "And now?" he asked interested.

"We thought we will revive the happy memories with Aya and then we open the presents or so" Ken replied, Yohji had the impression that Ken wasn't happy with the situation either.

They spent three hours with talking; it was interesting how many good memories they got together.

"One night ... I was so drunk I puked in front of his feet, god he was pissed but he took care of me and cleaned the floor. I thought he will kill me the next morning" Yohji didn't pretend anymore that he was happy, because he was happy.

To talk about him and to remember him made him talk active, but at the same time he missed him more and more.

"What did he do?" Omi asked interested and nibbled on his cookie.

"Nothing" Yohji chuckled "he made a coffee for me and said if I do it again then he will let me drown in my sick"

"Oh god" Ken said disgusted, he tried to banish the pictures in his head "that's creepy"

"He would never do that, it was his way to say take care of yourself I won't be there forever" Yohjis mood dropped.

"We knew something like that will happen one day" Omi sighed "but we weren't prepared, how did he do that? How can he consider every little matter, he's always prepared, prepared to fight, to lose us, to lose his own life ... "

"because he learned to avoid social contacts, never show affection, never love someone" Yohji squeezed Ayas hand, he had a lot of time to think about his redhead and he began to understand.

"But why should he do that? Love is the most important feeling for us" Ken loved his little family and liked the feeling of being loved.

"He lost his parents and sister at the same day, I mean Takatori suffocated his parents and detonated the house, did you know that he was buried under the debris and could only watch how he overran Aya-chan..." Yohji hid a sob; he could imagine how hard it was to see his parents die a so horrible death.

The boys looked to the ground or at the wall; they hadn't the slightest idea how terrible the events really were.

Omi turned pale at the thought that his father did that. Ayas misery was the fault of his family "How was Aya able to forgive me, I weren't able to do that"

"He forgave you because you're our little Omi" Yohji smiled "we have the need to take care of you, to protect you from harm"

"He's not weak" Ken said reproachful, he thought he wanted to mock Omi.

"We know that" Yohji said calm "but like Aya said a few years ago, you went through a lot of terrible things. Your father abandoned you; the kidnaper threatened ... you bad. God Omi you was a little kid. So we want to protect you, you're a part of our life. You're our little super brain and we love you and Ken like kid brothers"

Omi smiled, he never felt this loved before "Thank you" he blushed.

"So he really likes us" Ken mumbled.

"Of course he does" Yohji smiled "we are everything he has"

"Let us open the presents I start to feel uneasy" Omi complained, the mood was to such an extent loving it was almost sickening.

They opened the presents happily, Yohji got the special edition of Sweeney Todd and he was sure Aya will like it too "Great, thank you ... I will watch the movie together with Aya" he beamed, the present and the idea to watch it with him inflamed his hope again.

"He watches movies like that?" Ken asked surprised.

"He will love it" Yohji answered "he said he wanted to watch it, he likes musicals and black humour"

"Our Aya is a fan of a nasty humour" Ken grinned "who would have thought this"

Yohji chuckled as he opened Ayas presents it was an old book by Edgar Allen Poe and a book by Nietzsche "He will need it when he wakes up ... great idea boys"

"You're welcome" Omi said cheerful "that's from Ken for you"

It was a CD with various artists "Wow, Straftanz, Agonoize, CombiChrist and even And One ... How the hell did you get it!" the boys almost started to laughed, Yohjis surprised and happy face was a picture worth. (AN: I chose Bands I love to hear, if you're interested: Agonoize – Koprolalie or Suizide, Faderhead – Dirtygrrrls Dirtybois, Straftanz – Straftanz (Version Nord) or Tanz kaput, CombiChrist – Get your body beat, And One – Military fashion show)

"I have connections" Ken smiled dirty and Yohji knew it wasn't legal "black market"

"Thank you, Aya and I will have fun with it" Yohji stood up and kissed Ayas forhead "Am I right?" he asked him with a bright smile.

"Stop stop stop, you mean he does not only like Sweeney Todd BUT ALSO Industrial and EBM, you're kidding us" it was too much for Ken, his whole image of Aya shattered in million pieces just now.

"Yeah" Yohji grinned "You should see him dance"

"You're kidding" Omi eyes widened "when did you see him dance?"

"We go clubbing together, from time to time, it's seldom but it happens" Yohji was proud to know this side of the redhead and used his vantage.

"I'm shocked" Ken said honest "you think you know someone and then THAT"

"I misjudged him too" Omi raised his brows "I think I like it" he grinned naughty at the thought of Aya dancing with Yohji between Gothic's. (AN:Uhhh I wish they could show up on our next party mew)

"Oh before I forget we have a present for Aya-chan" Omi took a pink silk hair-band out of his pocket "Maybe the nurse can make her a pigtail, it's trimmer"

"It's a nice idea; I think she will like it" Yohji patted Aya-chans hand.

/ "They celebrate Christmas, more or less" Aya said happily.

"They look happy, it's nice to see them like that" Ran watched them with a smile.

"Look ... they bought books for you" Aya pointed at the pool "that's sooo nice"

"They're right I will need them, if I wake up"

"You will wake up I'm sure" Aya still stared into the pool "Oh Sweeney Todd, I want to see the movie too so be a good boy as long you watch it" she winked.

Ran blushed like hell, he never thought about sex with Yohji and to hear it from his little comatose sister was a shock and awkward.

"I won't... " he stuttered helpless.

Aya started to laugh, it was a honest laugh with all her heart "You're adorable, you're an assassin but still so innocent"

"And you're a comatose but naughty little girl" Ran pouted.

"Hey it looks like I'm not the only one with naughty thoughts" she pointed at Omi, Ran surprised and started to laugh "Who thought our Omi was a bad boy"

After a while Ran looked at Aya "I think it's time to go home" tears glimmered in his eyes.

"Yeah it's time" she said and swallowed hard, she was happy that he chose to live but on the other hand she was alone again and she couldn't talk with him anymore that broke her heart.

"Come home with me" he sobbed "please"

"It's not my time" tears slid down her face, she buried her face in Rans chest.

He knew Aya needed more time with him, she needed time to say goodbye, they won't see each other in the near future./


	10. 10: New hope

Two days passed and Aya was still asleep, Yohji was thin and he had huge black rings under his beautiful emerald eyes.

His worries for Aya and Aya-chan started to break him, he can't anymore and the boys knew it but he won't go away from Ayas side.

Aya-chans heart was weak from time to time and he didn't know why "Aya-chan, you can't go we need you" he whispered as he caressed her cheek.

But he did it only for a few minutes Aya needed him more "Aya I can't anymore, wake up please come back" he took Ayas hand and his own, hot tears dripped down on Ayas fragile fingers.

Yohji begged and prayed but nothing happened, no reaction meant no hope for Yohji and he buried his dreams together with his hopes.

On the third day after Christmas he broke completely, he rested his head on Ayas hand put on his MP3 player, the last few days he heard songs which explained his feelings or songs Aya liked.

Yohji closed his eyes and listened to the beautiful melody, tears made their way slowly down his cheeks. He stared with glassy eyes into nowhere.

"...

naked on the ocean floor

I'm waiting for a saviour

The deepest dark I ever saw

Wishing me back to shore

Wishing me back to shore

...

I know things couldn't be undone

mindless all the games I won,

a special pain award,

I wish I could break it apart...

Sorry for playing with your heart

...

!! Hoping you will change your mind

Cause there is no way for me to unbind

A special pain award

So lift me back on board

Sorry for playing with your heart

Sorry for playing with your heart

Sorry for playing with your heart

Sorry for playing with your heart !!

..." (And One owns the song The Dream)

Aya could hear a bit from the music and recognized it.

It was a sad song and not good for Yohji, he needed happy or simple songs and Aya knew it was always a bad sign when he heard serious songs.

Aya turned his head to look at Yohji but it wasn't easy with the artificial ventilation, it wasn't like he wasn't used to it, however it still was an ugly feeling.

As he found him, he tried to lift his hand. It was painful but Aya wanted to touch the blond, he wanted to feel his warmth and console him.

Aya laid his hand on top of Yohjis head and stroked through the blonds soft hair, he looked back at the ceiling.

It was straining to caress him but it was worth it.

Yohji felt a slight touch he thought it was Omi again but it was too gentle, Omi would have shook him or put his MP3 – player off or something like that.

So he decided to open his eyes and what he saw made his hurt flutter "A... Aya" he gasped.

Aya was shocked as the blond looked at him, his eyes were blurry and red, the view let Ayas heart clench painfully.

He gave Yohji a slight nod before he started to cough, ohh he hated the artificial ventilation.

Yohji hugged Aya as carefully as possible and at the same time he pressed the emergency button.

"I thought you won't come back" he whispered and Aya could feel a tear drip on his face.

He felt so incredible sorry, he never saw him so broken even after Neus dead he hadn't this kind of look in his eyes... he looked lost.

The doc stormed into the room, she looked surprised and happy "Abyssinian" she smiled "welcome back"

Yohji must leave the room but this time it was ok, he knew Aya won't leave.

The doc needed a whole hour before Yohji could return to Ayas side, he thought about to call the boys but he knew they will come this afternoon so he decided to spent as much time as possible with the redhead ... alone.

Before he went to Aya, he gave Aya-chan a soft kiss on the forehead and an honest "Thank you".

Aya was asleep as he returned so he waited for the next chance to care for him, to say that he was sorry.

"Hey" Yohji said soft as Aya opened slowly his eyes "let yourself some time" he stroke a bang out of his face.

"..." Aya tried to speak but he couldn't make a sound.

"You didn't use your voice for a week, be patient ok?"

Aya swallowed his throat felt like sandpaper and nodded.

_ Yohji looks like he didn't sleep the whole week._

_Did he stay with me the whole time? He must be worried, I caused him pain again _

He turned his head to the side and his eyes widened "..."

Yohji could see that he mouthed Aya "I thought it's better to share a room, otherwise I couldn't pay attention to you both"

Ayas eyes watered, it was nice to see that Yohji kept his promise. He raised his hand to touch Yohji but failed miserably.

"Don't overstrain yourself" the blond said and took Ayas hand into his own "I missed you"

"Sorry" Aya whispered with a hoarse voice before he coughed, his throat smarted like hell.

"There is nothing to be sorry for" Yohji said and took a glass of water "I lift you up, only a bit I promise"

Aya shut his eyes tight, his whole body ached, he was sure he never felt so much pain before.

"Shhh ... it will be over soon ... hush" he kissed Ayas forehead "now drink ... slowly ... good"

Aya was relieved as he could lie again; he hoped it wasn't necessary to drink for a long time.

"I thought I lost you" Yohji sat down on his chair but didn't let go of Ayas hand "I was scared of losing you"

The redhead tilted his head, it was an unpleasant conversation, he still loved the blond and didn't know how to react.

"The mission?" Aya whispered, he tried to change the subject but on the other hand he was really interested in the result.

"Huh, I try to tell you how I feel and you're more interested in the mission?" Yohji was hurt, he tried to find the right way to tell him Ì love you too and he was only interested in the damn mission.

"We lost" Yohji started to explain "he escaped as we took care of you ... you were dead" he stared at his hands.

"I stayed with you, Ken and Omi followed the target but without success ... then your heart started to beat again and we brought you to the hospital"

Aya closed his eyes; the thought of being dead sent a cold shiver down his spine.

"You didn't want to wake up, so I decided to kill the target on my own ... I found him at the airport and strangled him slowly to death but as I returned you died the second time" a tear escaped Yohji though he tried to hide it "but you came back again" he looked at Aya with a strange look in his eyes ... was it despair? Aya thought.

"You know ... we celebrated a little Christmas party for you, we hoped you will feel it and come back but you didn't" Yohji squeezed Ayas hand "I already buried my dreams and hopes ... I thought you don't want to come back to me, that you will die and run away from me"

Aya wanted to say that he thought about it but he didn't want to hurt him even more.

"You thought about it am I right?" Yohji could see the answer in his eyes; he could see his inner conflict.

Aya nodded "I was afraid" he gasped strained "forgive me"

Yohji stood up and sat down on the bed "There is nothing to forgive, but it hurt that you're afraid of me, it really hurts"

He rested his arms on each side of Ayas head and looked deep into the redheads eyes "but I deserve it" he sighed before he kissed Aya.

It was a deep and loving kiss, Aya was taken aback he didn't know what happened.

Yohji the ladies man was kissing him ... a man, but it was a great feeling and he decided to enjoy it before he will ask why.

"I love you too, I really do!" Yohji whispered into his ear after they parted "and I'm sorry, I beg **you** to forgive **me**"

Aya was overwhelmed with his thoughts and emotions, was it real? Did he really love him too? Or was it pity and guilt?

"Time" Aya whispered "I need time" tears ran down his cheeks and changed his violet eyes into slight red ones.

"Hush ... It wasn't my intention to make you cry ... please stop" he rested his chin against Ayas forehead and stroke with one hand through the fire red hair.

Aya wasn't sure why he was crying, he felt like Yohji made fun of him and on the other hand he felt empty inside as if something was missing.

He wanted to return into the land of dead, he regretted his choice to come back but why?

Why was it so hard? He was sure he missed some important memories and persons otherwise his terrible feelings were worthless and only a curse.

"Sleep a bit" Yohji said calm, he tried to hide his emotions, he didn't want to vent his emotions on Aya again, from now on he will think and then he will talk, at least he will try.

It wasn't nice but they needed a lot of time and Yohji was absolutely determined to invest his time and strength into their relationship.

Aya slept almost immediately "you're cute when you're sleeping" Yohji lay down next to the redhead.

He put one arm carefully around the redheads waist and with the other hand he pressed Ayas hand against his chest so Aya could feel his heartbeat.

As the boys closed the shop, they decided to make two bouquets.

One with white and red roses (we belong together) and for Aya-chan ten red roses (Thank you for everything).

The kids knew Aya-chan had something to do with the events, they didn't know how but it looked like supernatural things exist.

"Let's go to the hospital" Ken said as Omi finished the bouquet for Aya, he let Ken make the bouquet for Aya-chan. He loved Ken but his bouquets ... well.

"Ok " Omi smiled and gave Ken a loving kiss "I hope Yohji feels better than yesterday ... I think he can't stand it any longer"

"He's strong" Ken tried to console his friend but knew he failed miserably "don't look at me like I'm an idiot I only tried to console you"

"I know" Omi grabbed Kens hand "come on let's go"

They arrived at the hospital and got almost a shock as they opened the door of Ayas room.

Yohji lay next to Aya and clung to the redhead.

And Aya ... Aya looked as if he was dead, he was pale and the doctors removed the artificial ventilation.

Omis heart beat faster as he made his ways towards Aya "Yohji?" he asked, his voice was trembling.

Yohji opened his eyes and put his index finger to his lips "He's sleeping" he whispered barely audible.

Omi sighed in relieve, Aya was ok, he really came back. He turned around to look at Ken and beamed with joy and even Ken looked as if he wanted to smile but grinned instead.

Aya turned slightly around and rested his head against Yohjis chest; he could hear his strong heartbeat and felt calm.

The empty feeling started to fade and he felt as if he found partly what he missed.

He could feel how Yohji caress his head but he didn't let go of his hand "sleep" he heard him say.

The boys placed the flowers next to their beds before they settled down next to Aya.

"When did he wake up?" Omi whispered.

"This morning" Yohji answered "I fell asleep and suddenly I felt how someone patted my head".

Some parts weren't true but he didn't want to tell them that he broke down and drowned in his emotions.

"That's great; did you get the chance to talk?" Ken asked serious.

Yohji winced, he hoped he could avoid the subject "He needs time" he answered short.

Ken and Omi knew what he meant and dropped the subject ... for the time being.

"Hey" Aya whispered tired and looked at the boys.

"Hey" Omi wasn't sure how to react, he saved his life after all "ho-how are you?"

"It's ok Omi" Aya lied, in actuality he was in pain but Omi needed the illusion.

"Omi? Can you buy a coffee and something to eat for me?" Yohji asked and his stomach rumbled audible.

"Sure" Omi jumped up and ran to the cafeteria. Ken chuckled "We will buy something at the supermarket, the hospital food is horrible" he went out and tried to catch up with his little lover.

"When was the last time you ate?" Aya looked up at him with worry in his eyes.

"Omi brought food once a day" Yohji didn't realized how hungry he really was until now.

"You can't eat once a day" Aya nagged "when I come home I will feed you until you burst"

Yohji couldn't suppress to laugh, Aya was so adorable "I mean it" he pouted.

"I know you mean it but ... I don't know it's great to hear you nag again, I missed it"

"Nice to know" Aya winced.

"Aya?" Yohji panicked, he was still worried that Aya could leave him.

"It hurt" Aya gasped "I think the painkiller refuse to work"

"I call a nurse, I'm back in an instant" Yohji left and searched a nurse but he found the doc instead "better then a nurse" he mumbled.

"Doc he's in pain" Yohji informed her, she gave him a sad look and that made him worry "Doc?"

"I'm still worrying about him, that's all" she said simply but it wasn't enough for him.

"Why?" Yohji broached the subject again "Tell me"

"It's possible that he gets inner bleedings again, his arteries and organs aren't healed.

When everything grows together again, then we can be relieved.

And I cant give him a strong pain killer, I need to know when his pains get worse"

"I understand" Yohji felt how his worries returned, even stronger than before "Doc, please don't let him die"

She looked at him with a sad smile "I can't" she whispered.

She loved her job and she loved Weiss, and to see them on the rock-bottom broke her heart.

This time she wasn't able to help, there was nothing she could do for her boys and days like these let her doubt about herself.

"I know" Yohji sighed "I know"

She gave Aya a light pain killer before she fled out of the room, Yohjis view was too sad to bear.

"Aya" Yohji whispered "don't leave me"

Aya didn't understand, why should he leave "I won't" he said irritated.

"She said ... it's possible that your inner bleedings could ..."he swallowed "keep fighting ok?" he smiled sad.

"I promise" Aya felt how his hopes fade, he thought he managed it.

Yohji approached him "As I saw you fall, I noticed that I can't live without you ... It hurt even more than Asukas and Neus death" he held Ayas hand tightly.

"But you said..."

"I know ... I was confused about my own feelings, I couldn't believe that I fell in love with a man. But now ... it's ok, life is too short to spent time with unimportant thought like my reputation"

"I'm a bother and I don't want to make your life uneasy" Aya confessed "our fights hurt, they hurt so much"

"I said things I didn't mean ... I didn't listen and misunderstood but I from now on I will listen, I will listen to everything you have to say.

Besides you aren't a bother and you don't make my life uneasy"

Aya smiled, he started to believe him and deep in his heart was a little voice which said he's honest, he really loves you

"I think I take the risk and believe in you" Aya said serious, he wanted nothing more than to find his own happiness with the one he loved.

"I won't let you down, never" Yohji bent forward and pressed their lips together "I LOVE YOU"

Aya put his arms around Yohji and held on him as if he could disappear when he let go.

"Don't move ... you must be careful" Yohji burbled with shock, he was afraid Aya could die here and now.

"I love the overprotective side of you" Aya said gently as Yohji put Ayas arms down, very carefully as if he was a doll.

"I'm only overprotective when you're involved" Yohji blushed slightly.

"Can I have another kiss?" Aya asked bold.

"When you promise not to move" Yohji grinned confident, he knew Aya won't gamble with the kiss.

"Promi..." Aya didn't get the chance to finish his sentence. Yohji kissed him with passion, his tongue asked for the permission to enter Ayas warm mouth.

Aya let Yohji do as he liked, he felt good and would never stop him.

He waited for years to get the chance and now his dreams came through "Love you" he gasped as they parted.

"Yeah I know" Yohji smiled and caressed Ayas pink cheek "Get some rest"

Aya felt like a little child but it didn't disturb him, he liked the warm feeling "See ya ... I promise" he whispered before he fell asleep.

"Here ... Sandwiches and coffee" Omi said cheerful but the happy feeling didn't last long "Yohji, what happened?" Ken added for him.

"His life is still in jeopardy" Yohji rubbed his face "as long as his organs and arteries aren't healed he can die"

Omi almost dropped his tea "Nooo" he whined "Why he always has so much bad luck"

"The curse of an assassin" Yohji grunted "It's the punishment for our sins"

"No, it's only misfortune" Ken tried to comfort him "he survived all that, do you really think he will backing down now"

"Even Aya has a limit" Yohji closed his eyes and took a deep breath "but he promised to come home"

"Nothing is more worth then Ayas word" Omi smiled "let's eat, he will kick my ass when you don't eat"

"That's true" Yohji bit into his sandwich.

They chatted, ate and drank the whole afternoon but they kept always an eye on Aya.

He winced sometimes and Yohji knew he was in pain but it wasn't the time for the next round of pain killers.

Yohji started to caress Ayas arm to calm him down "Bear up! The pain will fade and you will get new pain killers soon"

Aya nodded but didn't open his eyes "Don't leave me" he whispered half asleep and groped for Yohjis hand "I'm afraid ... I don't want to go".

Yohji took Ayas hand "I won't leave, my love" he kissed Ayas hand "and I won't let you go"

He cared for him until he fell asleep.

"Did you say my love?" Ken asked surprised "You sort your problems out?"

"We are official a couple ... since yesterday" Yohji beamed "He's mine"

"Congratulation" Omi thought he will die of happiness, they got together after so much pain and losses, they deserved it to find new happiness.


	11. 11: Home

They spent three weeks at the hospital with worry and fear as a constant companion but in the end Aya survived and his wounds healed almost completely.

It was time to go home.

"Don't move around so much, don't work and don't stress yourself" the doc preached for the umpteenth time.

"Yes doc" Aya said serious "no training, no work, no stress"

Yohji grinned, he couldn't remember that Aya was this cheeky "I will take care of him" he interfered before she could repeat the sermon.

She sighed heavily "Ok ok ... now go and I don't want to see you again except for the checkups ... or to visit Aya-chan"

"We understand" Yohji put the accent on understand "come on Aya let's go"

They fled out of the hospital "I thought she won't release you in this century"

Aya chuckled, it was something he seldom did but it felt normal, he didn't know why but since his awakening things changed.

"Nice to hear you chuckle" Yohji drove unusual careful "I like your voice"

Aya blushed "Really?"

"Yeah" Yohji answered honest, Aya understood what Yohji meant, he loved Yohjis voice too.

"Is your new motto slow but steady?" Aya asked amused.

"We must be careful" Yohji replied serious "She will take you back to the hospital when I fail to protect you"

Aya put a hand on Yohjis leg and looked out of the window as he started to blush harder but he didn't take his hand away.

Yohji smiled at the gesture, he loved the touch and Ayas innocent side. He damned himself for the fact that he rejected him.

His pride was in the way and with it he has hurt him needlessly, but got a second chance.

"Aya?" Aya looked at him with his beautiful violet eyes, it made Yohjis heart flutter.

"I read the letter" he wanted to be honest; he knew Aya would notice the absence of the letter.

"Oh" he said simply, he was speechless.

"I wanted you to know" Yohji added as he got no reply "It was helpful ... I started to understand and to think about you and our fights"

"Do you dislike me for writing the letter?" Aya rested his head against the headrest and stared out of the window.

"NO" he answered horrified "of course not"

"Good" Aya whispered.

"I didn't listen carefully and thanks to the letter I got the missing pieces of the puzzle"

Yohji stopped in front of the Koneko "Aya I wanted to say that I know what you wanted to tell me, ... now I know why my words hurt so much and I want to say I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry" he cupped Ayas cheeks and pulled him closer until the tips of their noses almost grazed.

"Forgive me" he breathed against Ayas soft lips before his kissed him.

"We're both to blame for our misery" Aya kissed Yohis cheek "Let's go inside, it's cold" he shivered.

Yohji put off his coat and put it around Ayas shoulders "Better?"

Aya nodded "But you will catch a cold"

"After one minute at the cold? Don't worry" Yohji smiled "come on the boys are waiting" he stepped off the car and ran to Ayas side.

He opened the door like a gentleman "Don't move more than necessary" Yohji warned.

"I feel like one of your whores" Aya chuckled lightly, he was sure he wasn't one of Yohjis whores but it was fun to tease him.

"You're not" he said shocked.

"I know" Aya gave him a small kiss before he headed for the house and left a stunned Yohji behind.

He closed the door of the car and shook his head "Aya-chan what did you do with him?" he grinned.

"Welcome hooome!" Omi ran cheerful to the door "Come the dinner is ready"

"Aa" Aya was surprised about the warm reception; he followed Omi into the kitchen and was confused.

The Christmas tree was still there, presents lay under the tree and the whole house was still decorated.

Yohji sneaked up from behind and wrapped his arms around the redheads waist "What's up?" he asked as he saw Ayas confusion.

"Christmas is over but our house looks like the time has stopped" Aya noticed the dinner "and why did you cook a Christmas dinner?"

"We have waited for you?" Yohji rested his head on Ayas shoulder "We decided to celebrate with you, we could and didn't want to celebrate without you"

Omi took Ayas hand and led him to his seat "Now our family is complete"

"Family?" Aya whispered.

"Yeah family believe it or not but you are a part of our life ... our family" Yohji put a lot of vegetables and meat on Ayas plate.

Aya smiled and as Yohji didn't look he replaced Yohjis plate by his own.

"What the... ?" Yohji was surprised as he saw how much was on his plate "Ayaaaaa"

"I told you I will feed you until you burst" Aya raised a brow "It was a promise"

"The old Aya is back" Ken mocked "I never thought I would miss it"

Aya gave him a slight smile; he knew the confession was for Ken as awkward as for himself.

They spent two whole hours with eating and chatting, Omis food was grandiose and the dessert was unbeatable.

"Omi the food was great" Yohji cleared the table "Don't you dare to help" he nagged as Aya got the stupid idea to put his own plate into the sink.

Omi and Ken started to laugh, Ayas face was adorable like a kid which pilfered a cookie and was caught by his mother.

"Don't glare at me, it doesn't work" Yohji reached him a cup of tea, the redhead looked unsure so he gave Aya a soft kiss "let me pamper you for a while ... it's important for me"

Ayas expression lightened "Do what you want ... I will be a good boy from now on" he sipped embarrassed on his tea.

After they cleaned the kitchen they settled down at the living room.

"Let's open the presents first" Omi said happy, in times like these they noticed how young Omi really was.

"Ok" Aya answered and sat down next to the Christmas tree, it was like a ritual, they always sat on the floor in front of the tree.

"Isn't it too cold to sit on the floor?" Yohji asked worried and decided to fetch a blanket.

"Yoh..." Aya didn't get the chance to answer "He will get an heart attack when he continues to worry that much" he sighed.

"He's strong" Ken said confident.

"I can't forget the look on his face as I woke up ... It was a total breakdown" Aya chewed thoughtfully on his lower lip.

"It's all right now" Omi was sure "he's over it"

"I hope so" Aya smiled as Yohji returned, he put his favourite cuddle blanket around the redheads shoulders.

"Thank you" Aya looked at him with gentle eyes "now I understand why you like this blanket so much" he inhaled Yohjis unique smell; the blanket was warm and soft.

"Aya that's for you" Omi gave a present to him.

He showed his gratitude and unpacked it. He got two nice pullovers one was black with turquoise tribals and the other one was a dark blue turtleneck, they looked really expensive.

"I thought you need more warm clothes. We looked into your dresser as we searched clothes for the hospital... in case you wake up early. So I gave you the books I bought for Christmas and decided to buy pullovers" Omi blushed.

"I like it ... and I really need them ... Thank you" Aya smiled, it was nice to see how much he cared about him.

Ken gave Aya a voucher for his favourite bookstore.

Ken got a new leatherjacket, a crash helmet blended to his motorcycle and a wellness weekend with Omi.

Omi got a new laptop, a few adventure games and a party game; they knew how much Omi loved to play together.

"Aya it's your turn again" Yohji said and gave him a little box.

Aya opened it slowly and was moved to tears.

It was a beautiful silver necklace with the most beautiful pendant he ever saw, a silver cross embraced by a rose and wires.

Yohji put the necklace around Ayas neck and played a while with the pendant.

"It suits you" he smiled satisfied.

"It's beautiful" Aya whispered absent minded, he felt how his heart beat faster and a warm feeling enclosed his frozen heart.

"And I bought a new coat, your coat is..." Yohji couldn't finish his sentences, the memories of the portentous night popped up in his mind.

Aya saw the sad look in his eyes and hugged him gently "Thank you" he whispered "Thank you for everything"

Yohji rubbed Ayas back with one hand "You're welcome" he kissed Ayas cheek.

"You didn't open the presents I gave you yet" Aya noticed, he was happy that Yohji waited for him because he wanted to see Yohjis face when he opens the presents.

"You're right" Yohji stood up and went into his room, he returned with two boxes.

At first he opened the present Aya gave him personally, it was a pair of new sunglasses.

It was a square model with blue glasses, they fitted perfect and he must admit it looked sexier.

At least he opened the box Manx gave him.

He thought he was dreaming, it was a new watch. The basic model was the same as the old one but Aya changed the design for him.

The watch was dark blue and a white stripe led through the middle part of the watchstrap.

The clock face was dark blue or middle blue, according to the incidence of the light.

In the middle of the clock face was a brilliant silver cross; the emerald green pointers were fastened at the middle of the cross.

Inside the watch was a wire, it was modest in appearance and more flexible then the old one.

It was one of Kritikers brand new high tech watches.

"How did you get it?" Yohji gasped "It must cost a fortune"

Aya loved the expression on Yohjis face, as he opened and adored the presents, his face beamed with joy and that was the best present for Aya.

"How can I send you into a fight with an outworn weapon?" Aya said serious "and I want to give you the feeling that you're not alone, at home or at a job we are by your side ... one of us will always be there"

"Ran" Yohji looked at the floor, he wasn't sure if he wanted to cry or laugh with joy.

He didn't want one of them, he only wanted Aya and he realized Aya could die on the next mission or the mission after... or he could die himself and leave Aya all alone.

"I won't leave" Aya crawled over to him and tried to look in his eyes "we won't leave you"

"Good" he looked up "When you will leave me I kick your ass"

"Deal" Aya smiled and kissed the blond, Omi and Kens presence didn't matter to him, he wanted to kiss him and he did.

"Hey let us watch Sweeney Todd" Yohji said cheerful as he saw the embarrassed faces of the boys.

"Yeah" Aya said a bit too happy and blushed, he knew his reputation will shatter more and more but it didn't matter. He felt happier now.

They laughed at him "I will clean up a bit ..." Omi said with a big smile.

"Ok ... come on Aya let's occupy the couch" Yohji grinned; he took Ayas hand and led him to the couch.

He settled down on the side of the couch therewith Aya had enough space to lie down.

Ayas had rested on Yohji lap "Is it all right for you?" he asked unsure.

"It's good" Yohji covered Aya up "you need to rest and you did too much today already"

"You sound like my mother" Aya smiled at the memory of her, she always took care of him when he was sick or unhappy ... he missed her so much.

Yohji caressed Ayas shoulder "I think our mothers were alike ... my mother sounded like that too" he didn't know what to say and somehow he had the urge to remember his own mother.

"I believe you had a good mother because you're a good boy" Aya took Yohjis hand and lay it on his waist but he didn't let go of the warm hand "I want to introduce you to her ... with your permission of course"

Yohji felt honoured "Yes, for sure" he knew it required a lot of trust.

"Great" Aya smiled at him "she will love you"

Yohji bent over to place kiss on his temple "Arent they cute?" Ken grinned as they watched the older boys.

"Let's start the movie" Omi swarmed through the living room, he placed a bowl of popcorn and a can of cocoa on the table.

They loved the movie and had a lot of fun, after the movie they played with Omi his new party game.

At three in the morning they decided to go to bed "Goodnight boys" Yohji waved before he and Aya left.

Yohji brought Aya to bed "Oh wait a minute I have something for you"

Aya waited only a few minutes before Yohji came back with a ... teddy bear?

"For you" Yohji said and placed the teddy next to the redhead.

Aya was confused, the teddy bear had the same colour as Yohjis hair and his eyes were emerald green "He looks like you" he chuckled.

"I bought him in case you feel lonely" Yohji confessed "I didn't want to give him to you at the hospital ... It thought it would be really embarrassing"

"Abyssinian and his teddy" Aya laughed "oh ... awkward"

"I thought so" Yohji kneeled next to Aya and kissed him, he stroke gently through the red hear and enjoyed the warmth "Goodnight"

"Goodnight" Aya said sleepy, his cheeks were still red from the loving kiss.

Yohji fell into an uneasy sleep.

_ A shot? …. NOOOO don't leave me you can't ………. _

"NOOO" Yohji started up he was bathed in sweat "Oh god" his breath was heavy.

"Yohji?" Aya slipped into the room, he hid the teddy behind his back as he noticed he still carried him.

Yohji put on the light "Sorry did I wake you?" he tried to hide his emotions and shaking hands.

"No" he answered honest "I couldn't sleep"

"What do you hide behind your back?" he asked to avoid the subject of his dream.

"Uhm" he revealed the teddy "I cuddled with him and then you screamed and I came immediately so I uhm ... you know"

Yohji chuckled Ayas face was adorable and almost as red as his hair "Come here" he tapped at his blanket.

Aya sat down next to him; he placed the teddy at the nightstand before he hugged Yohji like he always did "Did you dream about her again?"

"No" Yohji tried to hide a sob.

"You're sweaty and you're still shivering, don't lie to me" Aya caressed his back "You can't hide you're shaking hands and unshed tears from me"

Yohji clung to Aya and started to cry, he shed all the tears he tried to hide the last few weeks "I ... (sob) saw you die ... I didn't dream of her, not anymore" he buried his face in Ayas chest "I only dream about you (sob) ... don't leave me"

"I won't leave you" Aya pressed Yohjis head against his chest "Can you hear my heart? It's still beating so don't be afraid I'm here"

"I know" he sighed and enjoyed Ayas gentle touches "... sorry for playing with your heart"

"You didn't play with my heart" Aya shoved Yohji gently away "you're the reason it's still beating" he cupped Yohjis face and kissed him passionately. They sank back on the mattress "Aya" Yohji gasped "you're not allowed to ..." Aya pressed his index finger against Yohjis hot lips "then be careful"

He looked into Ayas beautiful violet eyes, they were so warm and gentle, so differently from before "Ran" he whispered.

He wrapped his arms around Ayas back and while he kissed him he turned around.

"Is it ok when I'm on top?" he asked breathless and was happy as Aya nodded.

He put off Ayas clothes before he got rid of his own.

Aya watched Yohjis perfect body it was even more beautiful than the day at the office, he let his fingers slide over the perfect skin of his lover and felt how he sent a shiver through Yohjis body.

"When you continue I'm not able to hold back" he pressed his lips on Ayas.

He wandered to Ayas ear and nibbled gently on his earlobe before he made his way down to his nipples.

Normally he wasn't that gentle with his partner but Aya was special, he wanted a romantic and loving first time with him.

"So many scars" he whispered barely audible, it was the first time he could see the consequences of the mission.

A bullet hit him near his heart, one hit his lung and an other one hit the abdomen and the stab wound left a 3 cm long scar.

"It's ok" Aya consoled him "it was worth it" he stroke through the blonds hair.

Yohji smiled against Ayas hot skin, it was so typical for him "I" he wandered down to Ayas belly "love" he breathed against his abdomen "you" he took Ayas already hard erection into his mouth.

"Wow" Aya gasped as Yohjis hot mouth enclosed him and sucked him hard.

Yohji sucked him gently and from time to time he sucked harder, he liked it to tease him.

He started to lick and kiss Ayas balls; he listened to his soft moans before he wandered up to the leaking tip of his cock and placed a soft kiss on it.

"Lube" he said as he groped for the little bottle "ah found it ... spread you legs wider" he placed himself between Ayas long legs.

"You're huge" Aya panted as he caught a glimpse at Yohjis hard penis "I should have known it" he gave him a dirty grin.

"You aren't small either and I'm relieved that I'm on top" Yohji put lube on his fingers and inserted the first one.

Aya moaned in pleasure "Didn't you say you're a ladies' man" he gasped.

"(hem) ... I collected some information about ... sex between men" Yohji blushed and inserted the second finger to distract Aya.

"Oh you do love me" Aya chuckled "God" he moaned as Yohji hit the prostate.

"I think I found the prostate" he gave him a wicked grin "finger number three"

"I ...want you" Aya gasped in pleasure, Yohji loved the lust which mirrored in the redheads eyes.

"Are you sure you're ready?" he pulled his fingers out and prepared his cock before bent over to kiss Aya.

"I'm sure" Aya pressed his hips against Yohjis groin "Take me ... please"

It was the first time he heard Aya say please and he didn't need to be told twice.

Yohji entered him slowly as he filled him completely he let him time to get used to it.

It was a sensational feeling; he didn't think sex with a man could be that thrilling.

"I start to move" Yohji thrust deep into his lover and searched for the right spot as Aya almost screamed he knew he had found it.

Before he started to move again he lifted Aya up and settled him down on his lap.

He wanted to embrace his lover "harder" he heard the redhead moan and felt how Ayas nails dug into his back.

Yohji licked Ayas neck while he increased his speed "I'm at my limit" he put one arm around Ayas waist and the other one held his upper body close to him.

"Ahh" Aya moaned, Yohji loved the sound of his voice and the soft tone drove him over the edge, he needed only three fast and hard thrusts to reach a breath-taking climax.

Aya needed one thrust more to come but he came as hard as Yohji.

The blond thought he will die of lust as he felt Ayas hole tighten around him, he was sure he never squirted to much cum before.

They clung to each other until they could breathe again "That was the best sex I ever had" Aya said sleepy and rested his head on Yohjis shoulder.

"Ditto" Yohji pulled out and laid his lover down "I fetch a towel to clean us up"

"Ok" Aya closed his eyes and waited for Yohji to clean them up "can I sleep here?" he asked as Yohji finished cleaning himself.

"Of course" he lay down next to Aya and wrapped his arms around him "I love you"

Aya snuggled deep into the warm embrace "I love you too" he whispered "See ya"

"Yeah" Yohji smiled "See ya"

Yohji woke up as sunrays hit his eyes "hm" he grunted unhappy.

He groped for Aya and was awake in an instant "Aya?" he started up but the redhead was gone.

After a few deep breaths he could think clear again and noticed that he held Ayas teddy in his arm.

"Teddy?" he asked confused before he spotted a letter which hung at teddys ear.

Don't worry I couldn't sleep anymore and didn't want to wake you up.

I will take a shower and prepare breakfast.

Come down when you're ready ... You will find me there, I promise.

By then Yohta(n)ddy will take care of you :-P

Ran

Yohji was relieved, he almost thought everything was dream, that Aya died and he gone nuts but it wasn't a dream, it was real.

He put on his pant "You see ... we are a family, now we're only waiting for you to return"

he said cheerful before he left the room and he could swear he heard a young girl laugh as the wind let his curtain flutter.

Fin


End file.
